Page 117 of Sweeper
“What?” I screech.
“Trust me, I tried to find the bullshit in Zander. A footballer living next door to my sister was going to be watched like a hawk. But from all of my run-ins with him, the only flaw I picked up on was his struggle to keep his eyes off you.”
I roll my eyes to the ceiling. “So because he looked at me a lot, you have dubbed him worthy? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard of.”
“It’s not that he looked at you, Daphney. It’showhe looked at you. That bloke is in love with you.”
“No, he’s not,” I spit back, anger flashing sharp and hot in my veins. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hayden volleys back. “Daphney, if you’re pushing him away because you don’t love him back…great…I’m on your side. I will help him move out of this building myself to get him away from you. But if you’re pushing him away because you’re scared of giving him a second chance? My darling, I am living proof that second chances exist for a reason. I would literally not be alive if it wasn’t for second chances.”
My eyes fill with tears as a devastating pain breaks into Hayden’s voice as he brings up a part of his past that we never ever talk about.
Hayden’s past is dark and tortured, and there were years when he didn’t exist in my world because he was too busy living in a hell of his own making. But now he’s here, on my sofa, in my flat, as a father and a husband, and checking up on me like a proper big brother. I’m so lucky he’s still here.
Hayden shakes away the haunted look in his eyes as he reaches forward and wipes a tear off my cheek. “You, Theo, Mum, Dad…even Leslie, you’ve all forgiven me for a lot of mistakes in my life. You can’t tell me that what Zander did even comes close to what I did.”
“No,” I garble, my voice thick with emotion. “But Hayden, you don’t understand. I’m in love with him, and it happened so fast and so easily. And it’s bigger than I can handle. I’m terrified of it.”
“But why?”
“Because I don’t know if I can trust myself to choose the right person!” I cry, the emotions of the past two weeks spilling out of my eyes. “What if Zander is just like Rex?”
“He’s not,” Hayden scoffs, waving his hand dismissively. “Rex and all the blokes you’ve been with in the past were all a bunch of tossers.”
“Thanks for that,” I croak, wiping aggressively at my tears. God, big brothers can be such bullies.
Hayden levels me with an unamused look. “It’s true. None of them had that thing…that spark. Tell me the minute you met Vi, you didn’t know she was the one for me.”
I huff knowingly at that idea. “You guys were perfect for each other.”
“Because she had that spark,” he says confidently. “And you and Zander have that.”
I swallow the painful knot in my throat. “What if we don’t work out? What if something else like this happens? What if he lies to me again? What if he doesn’t love me, and I lose him?”
Hayden rests his hand on my shoulder and pins me with a sincere look. “Daphney, you can’t let fear of losing love stop you from falling in love. Falling is the best part, especially when you’ve found a partner to pick you up. Vi still picks me up every bloody day. That’s what great love is. You have to try for great love, no matter the risk.”
Hayden’s words are firm and unrelenting as they puncture holes in the protective shield I’ve been holding up ever since I heard Zander talking about me through the walls. The truth is, I wasn’t crushed because he hid this part of him from me. I was crushed because I loved him and feared he didn’t love me back. That fear caused me to push him away, and now that he’s moving, I’m scared he’s done pushing back. Do I even deserve a second chance after refusing to give him one?
Zander
I’m spent by the time our bus arrives back at Tower Park after our match against Watford. It’s dark, I’m hungry, and all I want is the comfort of my own bed.
Pain slices through me when I remember how empty my bed has felt all week. It’s ridiculous how you can become addicted to the feel of someone beside you after one night. Seriously, how did Daphney swing that? How did she make me miss the feel of holding her body in my arms after one fucking night? My neighbor has bewitched me, and it’s why I had to call Hayden to ask about breaking my lease agreement.
I can’t sit in my apartment and listen to her work on her music through the walls every day and not feel my heart break with every note she plays. This week, I’ve been busy and distracted with my mom’s departure and having a dinner with her and Vi before she left.
Next week, I’ll be alone with my thoughts again and living next door to the first girl who ever broke my heart. It’s too much for one person to handle. Moving somewhere else and getting a fresh start is what’s best for everyone.
I say my goodbyes to Link and Knight, telling them good game as I make my trek back to my apartment. Sighing heavily, I trudge up the three flights, hating that I can still picture Daphney’s ass on that first day when she showed me my place. Will I even be able to live in London if I’m not with her?
Fuck, I have it bad.
I roll my eyes when I’m standing in my hallway and see that bright pink mouse house set back up. Since I was gone today, I suppose she felt brave enough to reset the trap without getting seen by me. She’s been doing a wicked job of avoiding me this week, which I guess is good. I don’t want to see her any more than she wants to see me.
I change into my lounge clothes and flop onto my bed, gazing up at the lights pouring in from the street. They cast strange shadows on the walls that perfectly match my mood.
Suddenly, the strumming of Daphney’s guitar fills my room. I sit up and frown, glancing at the clock to see it’s after eleven. Daphney never plays this late. In fact, I assumed she was working at Old George tonight, but even if she wasn’t, she still wouldn’t be playing this late. She’d be too worried about upsetting all the other neighbors in the building. Maybe I’m the only neighbor who can ever hear her, and she’s done being polite to me. Maybe this is her reigniting neighbor wars. If so, she’s picked the wrong neighbor because I’m done playing games.
