Page 98 of Sweeper
Tears slip down his cheeks as he yanks his hat off, giving me a full daylight view of the devastating pain in his eyes. He looks broken and hollow, and a part of me wants to comfort him. To forgive him. But I’ve come too far in my life to let another man manipulate and use me again. I deserve better.
“What do you want from me, Daphney?” he cries, his voice weak. “I’m sorry, okay? I should have told you. I was going to tell you. I just…couldn’t find the words.”
“You couldn’t find the words, and I can’t find forgiveness.” My chin wobbles, and tears sting my eyes as that painful reality sinks in. I was so stupid to think Zander was different. I was so silly to believe that he could be better than the other men in my life. That he could even be the one. My God, I’m a fool. He’s standing in front of me asking what I want from him, and it should be glaringly obvious after everything we’ve shared the past several weeks.
This moment right here has to be goodbye. If I let him back into my life for even a minute longer, I will not recover when it inevitably all ends. And I refuse to let another man ruin my life.
My voice is determined when I step forward and hit him with the hard truth of it all. “The last guy blindsided me when I discovered he was using me for my music. Now you used me for my connection to the Harris family, and I was blindsided all over again. It’s clear that I’m the common denominator in both these scenarios.” My voice breaks at the painful realization that it’s not just Zander I can’t trust. It’s me. It’s me that I can’t depend on. I thought I knew Zander. I thought he cared for me. I was wrong and naïve. So, so naïve. I shake off that pain and add with finality, “I can’t trust my heart. And I can’t trust you.”
I make a move to walk past him, and his voice is pleading when he says, “Daphney, please. Don’t walk away from this.”
I inhale sharply and pin him with a look that reflects the self-awareness in my soul. “I may not need to hire a lawyer to get you out of my life, but I promise that I will forget you ever existed, Zander Williams.”
Zander
“You’re here,” Link says, as he walks into the locker room to find me changing into my practice gear.
“Where else would I be?” I grumble, tying my shoelaces with a healthy dose of anger that I’ve let replace my pain since that epic fight with Daphney yesterday.
Link sits down beside me as Knight walks in next. He stops in front of me and glares, his face expressing zero emotion. “You missed three trainings.”
I shrug. “Had shit to deal with.”
“So did you do it?” Link asks, his eyes wide with worry. “Did you read the results?”
I shake my head. “I’m going to do what I should have done in the first place.”
“What’s that?” Link inquires.
“I’m going to get the truth from my mother.” I glance up at Knight whose brows flicker curiously. “She’s on a flight right now and should be here by the time we’re done with practice.”
Knight lowers himself onto the bench across from me. “And then what?”
“And then, we’ll see.” I lower my foot to the ground and sit back in my cubby. “The only thing I do know is I won’t be playing for this club anymore.”
“What?” Knight and Link both ask in unison.
I nod seriously. “I can’t do it, no matter what the truth is. Too much shit has gone down.”
“What do you mean?” Link asks, his jaw dropped in horror.
I shrug. “Daphney knows I used her to get to Vaughn. She heard our entire fucking conversation through the wall.”
“Shit. I’m so sorry, Z.” Link tucks his hair behind his ears. “I should have never said anything.”
I shake my head firmly. “It’s not your fault. It’s my fault. This entire fucked-up mess is all my fault. I’ve been lying to everyone around me, including you guys. I told you Daphney and I were just casual, and even that was a damn lie. I knew I was in love with her the minute I looked up into the stands and saw her at that Arsenal game in a Bethnal Green fucking sweatshirt. I knew it, and I still wasn’t honest with her. I wasn’t even honest with myself. My dad would be ashamed of me. And those were words I never thought I’d say.”
I stand and make a move to head out of the locker room, but Knight reaches up and grabs my arm, turning me around to look at him. “So that’s it. You’re just going to cut and run?”
I nod slowly. “I’ll finish out the season and transfer when the window opens up. I need a fresh start.”
“And your mom?”
I exhale heavily. “She has a lot to answer for. And I’m going to try to listen because honestly, the apple clearly doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
“Don’t be so hard on yourself,” Knight says, his jaw taut. “You weren’t alone in this crazy plan. We were there at the start, and we’ll be there at the finish.”
I nod and squeeze Knight’s arm gratefully before walking out of the locker room. When I turn the corner to head to the practice field, a voice calls out to me, “Zander!”
