Page 1 of Seven Year Itch
Prologue
ALONE AND LOOKING TO BONE!
LOUDMOUTHED MOUNTAIN MAN SEEKS FIERY FEMALE TO STEAM UP HIS LOG CABIN
Calder, 35 years old
??Fletcher Mountain University
??Full-time cat daddy with a side-hustle in screwing and nailing
??14 miles away
Height: 6'3" at the doctor, 6'5" at the bar
Eyes: Blue and Full of Feelings
Body: Toned and overly inked to conceal my real personality
Personality: My mom says I’m great
??Size: Not as big as my brother Luke’s but honorable mention
What I do on a typical day: Mountainside strolls with my cat strapped to my chest.
Self-summary:
I might be tall, tattooed, bearded, and all the classic things one might look for in a rugged mountain man... but likean onion plucked from the soil, you must peel back the dirty layers to see the moist inner belly that shows my true essence.
I’m not a “go with the flow” kind of guy. I catch feelings with direct eye contact. If you don’t text me back within an hour, I’ll probably cry a little before showing up to your house to see if you’re cheating on me.
I once had a girl hold the door open for me, and afterward I asked her, “What are we?”
The other day, a bartender poured me the wrong beer and let me drink it for free... it was a weird way for him to propose, but I said yes.
If you like the taste of my potent onion, swipe right and let’s giggle and make some soup together.
Chapter 1
Cat Daddy
Calder
“What the actual fuck,” I state out loud, and my cat, Milkshake, lets out a high-pitched meow from where she sits on my naked chest. I sit up, clutching her black-and-white fur to me for comfort as I use my free hand to scroll through my Tinder account. “Have I been hacked?”
My eyes scan over the contents of my dating profile, knowing damn well I didn’t write a single word of this.Catch feelings with direct eye contact?I don’t catch feelings. I catch boners with a light breeze. I catch ladies’ attention with my tattoos and muscles.
Feelings? Fuck feelings!
“Can Tinder profiles get hacked?” I ask Milkshake who tips her head up to me and drags her sandpaper tongue over my beard. “Who gives a fuck about someone’s dating life enough to mess with their profiles? There has to be way cooler things to hack.”
I quickly check my other hookup apps that I keep armed and ready at all times and see the same long-term relationship bullshit spewing out of every one of them.Make some soup together?My God. This is the complete opposite of what I look for in these apps. I’m very clear about that. Who the hell did this?
I reread the penis-size line, and my eyes narrow.“Fucking Luke,”I growl and stand up from the sofa to stomp across the knotty pine flooring of my small cabin. I glance out the window that faces uphill to see if his truck is here as I drop a soft kiss to my cat’s ear. “Someone’s gonna die today,” I coo in a saccharine voice to my girl.
Without putting a shirt on, I throw the baby carrier on my chest and stuff Milkshake inside. That was the only part of thehacked profile that was true, but dammit, little fuzz loves being outside. And there’s way too much wildlife around here to let her run free. So when my future sister-in-law, Trista, gave me a cat carrier to help Milkshake enjoy the great outdoors safely, that meant I turned into a big, tatted mountain man who wears a cat more often than not.
Come at me.
