Page 107 of Seven Year Itch
He passed up sex with me.
Calder Fletcher said no to sex.
I know he said he just didn’t want to do it because he wants tonight to be all about me, but isn’t giving me an orgasm pretty much all about me? And it’s my night, so shouldn’t what I want count for something?
A heaviness presses down on me as I consider the fact that he might be getting sick of me. We’ve been doing this arrangement for a few weeks now, and we don’t have much left to check off the list. Maybe he’s counting down the days until this is over. He’s made it very clear he’s not a relationship guy, and we’re venturing very close to that territory. And as rejection prickles into my mind, I start to remember the things Randal used to say to me.
Your thigh dimples show in those shorts. I think you should wear jeans instead.
Maybe if you joined my gym, you could get back those abs you had when I met you.
You should talk to my nutritionist. A lot of the stuff you eat is bloating you.
You hate everything in your closet because you don’t look like you did the day we got married.
I’m just being honest with you. If your own husband can’t point out your flaws, then who can?
Was Calder looking at my stomach just now?
I shake my head and turn to focus on the speaker. It doesn’t fucking matter, Dakota. Calder is one of many men that will judge you. What matters is that you don’t give a fuck what they think. You’re here to get an award for your business tonight, so just focus on that.
A deafening round of applause erupts, and Cozy reaches over to nudge me, clapping and smiling. “Get up there, girl!”
My blood pressure skyrockets when I realize I missed them calling my name. On wobbly legs, I stand, smoothing down my dress and fighting to hold my head up high as my mind spins with a million different thoughts. As I make my way across the stage, I look out at the audience all clapping for me. For what I’ve done. What have I done?
A glass statue is placed in my hand, and I look at it, frowning at the words etched into it.For Excellence in Businessstands out the most. The emcee gestures to the microphone, and suddenly, the speech I had prepared evaporates from my mind. Guess I’ll be speaking from the heart tonight.
“Thank you so much,” I say, and everyone sits down, quieting around the room for me to continue. I pause to look at the object in my hand once more and can’t stop the laughter rising in my throat. “It feels so weird to get a trophy as a grown-up.”
The audience chuckles, and I bite my lip, shocked that I just said that out loud.
“My business isn’t rocket science.” I swallow the knot in my throat before I continue. “I literally called it The T-shirt Shop because when I filled out the grant application for the building, I was a senior in college and cared more about afterparties than what I was going to do after college.”
More laughing from the crowd, and my eyes find Cozy andTrista and Kate. I glean strength from those powerful women I’m lucky to call friends and force myself to continue.
“But somehow, the Boulder Business Bureau awarded me with that grant, taking a huge chance on me, and somehow, miraculously, I’ve managed to stay in business for over ten years now.”
Someone in the audience whoops, and I smile when I see it was Kate.
“I don’t write best-selling novels or build houses or fix people’s cars or open up rescue centers for abandoned wildlife. I just... sell cute T-shirts that I hope people feel good in.”
My eyes land on Cozy, and she’s grinning so big it makes my chest ache with happiness.
“It’s important to feel good... about yourself.Confidenceis such a big word that is tossed around like you either have it or you don’t. But I think we’d all be lying to ourselves if we said we felt confident in every part of our lives... of our businesses. Outside influences are constantly trying to tear us down. Things that aren’t in our control. It’s a tough world out there, and no one is short of opinions.”
My voice trembles at the end of that sentence, and I clear my throat, feeling my hands grow slick with sweat as I clutch the glass award.
“But maybe insecurity can be a strength too. Maybe not feeling confident in yourself is what keeps you hungry. It keeps you evolving and changing and trying new things. Self-doubt encourages self-reflection, and when you really start to look at yourself, maybe you see something that can push you in a new and exciting direction... like tie-dye classes.”
Light chuckles roll through the crowd, and my mind flashes to the countless groups I’ve had cycle in and out of my store. It’s a pain-in-the-ass mess, but it makes me a part of this community that I love so much.
“In a lot of ways, I’d say it was my lack of confidence that gotme here. The mistakes I made along the way helped me find where I was meant to be.
“But I’ll tell you this. If you can surround yourself with good, kind people, whether that’s colleagues, employees, friends, or family... people who want to raise you up instead of drag you down...” I take a moment, a deep breath, and my eyes lock with Calder as I state the last part “...you can feel safe in your insecurities because there will always be someone there to call you out on your shit. Thank you.”
Chapter 35
Scene of the Crime
