Page 79 of Seven Year Itch
Milkshake struts over to the steps that lead up to the loft. She lies down halfway up to watch us, looking completely unbothered as silence descends and all I can hear is the crackle of my fire and my pulse rushing in my ears.
I take a sip of my beer.
Dakota does the same.
Finally, she says, “So let’s hear this kinky list of yours. I assume you didn’t write it down like you said you would.”
I exhale with relief that we’re diving right into this. If I had to make her a snack or ask about her day, I was going to fling myself out a fucking window.
“Oh, just you wait, Ace.” I lift my brows, my mood brightening as we step out of the awkward date vibes and into a place I’m much more comfortable. “Come with me.”
I walk into my living room and squat down in front of my TV where my laptop is connected. I use the remote to flick on the TV, and the wordsKaren Gets Her Freak Onpops up on the screen.
“Did you make a PowerPoint?” Dakota asks, walking toward me in those hot-ass boots. From my vantage point on the floor, I can see a lot more thigh, and the fantasy I have of them wrapped around my face later tonight isn’t an unpleasant one.
“You bet your hot legs I did.” I gesture to the sofa as she laughs and sits down. Her T-shirt rides up and reveals even more thigh, so I turn back to the computer and force myself to focus on the task at hand. “You ready?”
“I’m ready,” she says excitedly, crossing her legs and taking another sip of beer. I swear she knows what she’s doing, and it’s fucking killing my focus.
I sit down on the floor and lean back against my armchair, turning away from her to start my presentation as I click to slide one.
Primary Objective: To make Dakota Schaefer aka Crabby Karen less of a prudey bitch.
“I’m not a prudey bitch!” Her jaw drops, and she scowls at me.
“You sure about that?” I lift my brows and pin her with a look.
“If I’m a prudey bitch, then you’re a lazy whore.”
My lips turn down as I consider that. “Probably true.”
She grumbles, and I click to the next slide.
Secondary Objective: To give Calder Fletcher’s magical pocket python a purpose in life.
“Oh my God... this is a joke.”
“Not a joke. My dick has been looking for an inspiring way to give back to the community, and this is just the type of charitable endeavor he can excel at.”
“In other words, you’re happy because you get to have sex.”
“Correct.” I click to the next slide.
PROPOSED SEXCAPADES:
#1: Sex Store Shenanigans—Both of you go to a sex store in Denver, pick out a toy that interests you, and bring it back to Calder’s snake pit to experiment
“Snake pit?” Dakota cackles and shakes her head as she laughs. But the crimson that flushes from her neck into her cheeks is very telling. “Okay, that’s unexpected.”
“Unexpected good or unexpected bad?” I ask, watching her body language intently as she crosses her legs the other way.
She regains control of herself and bites her lip as she shrugs. “Good, I think.”
I smile victoriously. This is already going better than I expected.
#2: Exhibitionism
“What does that mean exactly?” she asks, her silliness replaced with curiosity.
