Page 123 of Honeymoon Phase
I was so focused on Addison and how much I wanted her, how much I wanted her to be happy, that I somehow missed the fact that I’m being a selfish prick to my entire family who have grown attached to this magnificent woman beside me.
My eyes land on John, who’s been giving me looks all night long. Looks I can’t even decipher. He probably thinks I’m a lying asshole too because I obviously haven’t told his daughter about his plans to sell the yard. I am disgusting. I hid the truth from my best friend because I wanted to trick her into marrying me and falling in love with me.
It’s like I’m doing CPR but our relationship is DOA... dead on arrival.
Blood rushes in my ears as the officiant ends the rehearsal and I say my goodbyes to everyone on some sort of detachedautopilot. I watch all the cars leave the mountain, waving cheerily like this is the best weekend ever, but my mind is battling with this overwhelming sense of impending doom.
Addison kisses me on the cheek and says something about going back to our house with Dakota and Trista to discuss plans for hair and makeup tomorrow. My mom takes Stevie back to Wyatt’s to put her to bed, opting to spend the night in their spare room so she doesn’t have to make the drive up the mountain roads again tomorrow.
I nod and watch everyone go their separate ways when suddenly I feel my feet carrying me backward, away from my cabin, and as far away from this wedding setup as I can get. Part of me wants to disappear into the woods, but it’s cold as fuck and the night air nips at my neck, so I pull my coat collar up and beeline to the barn. I just need a moment to collect my thoughts. Just a breather. Today was a lot and I need to touch some fucking ground and get my shit together.
Millie bleats as soon as I enter the barn and start pacing down the alleyway, completely ignoring Trista’s pig, Sir Reginald, and the weird fucking tongue-hanging horse Handsome and the alpacas. Shit, what were their names again? Like band instruments? Trombone? Fuck knows. Three black-headed sheep are asleep in the corner stall, and I didn’t even know we had sheep. Plus, the highland cow that looks like a toy is sharing a stall with Millie.
It’s a damn petting zoo in here and it’s overflowing. I need to get Trista’s rescue center estimate sent to her. I’ve been sitting on it for too long. Distracted by... my best friend...
Who doesn’t love me.
“Hey, what are you doing out here?” Calder asks, stepping through the Dutch barn doors with Wyatt close behind.
“You good?” Wyatt asks, staring at me with concern that looks just like dad.
Fuck I hate that look. It makes me feel panicky inside.
“This is all too much, you guys. This was a bad idea. The whole thing.”
“What are you talking about?” Wyatt folds his arms over his chest and furrows his brow at me.
“The lying, the manipulating. It’s bad enough thatIdid it, but I dragged you all down with me and that makes this all ten times worse.”
I rake my hands through my hair and kick Reggie’s stall, stirring him from his sleep under his fucking blanket on his own personal mattress.
“You need to take a breath,” Calder says, holding his hands out to me like he’s going to corral me into a pen next.
“I need to confess everything to Addison before the wedding. I can’t let her walk down the aisle tomorrow and be faking it for all of you. This wedding Mom and Everly threw together is beautiful. I don’t want it to be fake. I want it to be real.”
“I think it is real,” Wyatt says, his eyes urgent on me. “She loves you. It’s clear as day.”
“It’s not real if she doesn’t know everything we did,” I exclaim, my heart pounding. “Jesus Christ, Everly roped you guys into helping me train for weeks for that lumberjack competition just so I could get her to marry me and fall in love with me. That is so fucked. Then the night out at the Merc when you made us kiss.”
“Luke, I think this is just prewedding nerves,” Calder says with a tense shrug.
“It’s deeper than that, damn it,” I snap back, my tone visceral. “I don’t want her love if the only way I got it was through lying and manipulating. I want to be enough for her.”
“You are enough, Luke,” Wyatt states, eyeing me harshly. “It’s obvious you’ve just been trying to impress her all this time. What’s the real harm in that?”
“The harm is that it was all for nothing because her dad is going to sell the yard to Robyn and her husband anyways, which means Addison doesn’t need me and she never did,” I add, my mind flashing back to my conversation with John. “Her whole life is going to be turned upside down when she finds out, and as her friend, I should be the one person she can lean on through it all, but I’ve been too busy lying to her for weeks just like her father. This is all too much. I have to come clean.”
“You just did.” Addison’s voice cuts into my mental warfare and I turn around to see her stepping into the barn, and the expression on her face... is completely devastating.
Addison
“Babe... listen,” Luke rushes out, trying to approach me but I hold my hand up, stopping him in his tracks.
“I heard all I needed to hear.” I frown and lick my lips, pulling my coat tight around me, refusing to show a spec of emotion on my face. I squint over to Luke and his brothers as they stand in the barn with their fucking dicks in their hands talking about me behind my back. How many times have they all done that? How many times have they plotted and schemed together about me?
Me.
Like I’m so damn important.
