Page 16 of Honeymoon Phase
Ugh, no heart eyes happening. This is Luke we’re talking about. He’s annoying! He’s obviously a bad listener if he’s proposing to me twice now. He’s being an overprotective pain in my ass.
But God, imagine having someone to cook for every single night. That would be so much fun. I could maybe even do food for his brothers and Dakota and Trista. They were so much fun at the wedding in Mexico. I could do a street taco theme night to bring us back to our trip. I could make everyone a weekly fresh loaf of sourdough. I guess that mountain compound is abit of civilization now that Dakota and Trista are living up there, so I wouldn’t be completely isolated. Hell, if a baby can survive up there, surely I can too.
Shit... stop this, Addison. You’re not marrying Luke. This is not smart.
You need to marry a lumberjack. Someone dumb who smokes weed all day and you can’t hurt with your weird closed-off, messed-up heart. You know this. Luke is just too nice for his own good.
“Be strong, be strong, be strong,” I whisper to myself as I make my way outside to join Luke so we can discuss this.
He’s pacing across the wooden decking, and the warm late summer air does little to cool the anxiety I feel swirling in my gut over letting him down for a second time. But I’m not letting him down. He’s not professing his feelings for me, he’s just... being Luke. A golden retriever people pleaser who would sacrifice a year of his life if I say yes to this. I can’t do this to him. I can’t do this to him. And what if he met someone in that year? I couldn’t stop him from getting together with the love of his life.God, that would be hell.
His head jerks toward me as I stand awkwardly in the doorframe. I hold the paper up, trying not to notice how the twilight sun casts a warm glow on his bronze skin. “This was... really something.”
“Something good or something bad?” Luke tilts his head, trying to read me like we’re playing poker.
“It’s funny. Were you really good at writing in school?” I ask as I walk over to the railing and lean on it for support.
“I don’t know.” He shrugs, looking highly annoyed at my sidetracked thoughts.
I need to lay it out there for him. Tell him it’s a firm no and we need to stop discussing this, but first I ask, “Can you tell me why you care so much?” I turn to look at him, my eyes rakingover his face for some sign of the feelings that I thought he was showing me in Mexico. If this is about wanting to be more than friends, then that’s even more reason we shouldn’t be considering this.
“I’d do anything for you, Roe,” he replies, his eyes dark and piercing on me as he adds, “You’re my best friend.”
My breath escapes my lungs at those words he just said so easily, and without being able to stop it, my chin begins to wobble. I turn to look away so he doesn’t see the overwhelming emotion that hits me with that declaration. He’s never called me his best friend before. Only one other person in my life has called me that, and the memory of that hits me like a ton of bricks.
Luke steps closer to me, and I feel the heat of his arm brush against mine, sending a riot of goose bumps up my back. “I’d rather you saddle yourself with me for a year than put yourself at risk with a stranger, Roe. I will lose my mind worrying about you.”
“This is too much to ask though,” I reply, all humor draining from my face. “It’s a whole year. And what do you get out of it? I know you said in your first letter that your family is on your ass, but that’s not enough of a reason to marry me, is it?”
“The comfort of knowing you’re safe and I don’t have to text you every two hours to make sure a logger hasn’t ax-murdered you seems like a pretty good reason to me.”
I shake my head and glance down at the list, terrified that I could be holding the worst—or best—idea ever.
“Let me put it to you this way,” he says, turning my attention back to him. “Would you help me if I needed it?”
“I don’t know if I’d marry you,” I reply with a laugh.
He bobs his head from side to side. “Well, I always have been nicer than you. Fact or fiction?”
He repeats the phrase that I only ever use with him, causingme to smile. I shove him playfully, my hand lingering on his abs for a moment before I whisper, “Fact.”
“Then that’s all this is. I’m just trying to be your best friend. You should let me.”
I jut my chin out, shaking it adamantly. “The fact that you called me your best friend means we shouldn’t do this.”
“Why?”
“Because I can’t lose you, Luke,” my voice breaks at the end as I have to blink rapidly to fight back the unexpected tears threatening to spill. “My dad has already hightailed it out of Boulder. Chuck and Bullhead barely tolerate me at the yard. You’re the only guy who actually likes me in this town and I need you. I need you around. I need us to be good. I’ve missed you these past couple of months and I worry this could ruin everything. If you marry me, and live with me, you’re going to get sick of me.”
And want to leave too.
I turn away to hide the tears welling in my eyes and sigh when Luke’s big arms wrap around me. He rests his chin on my head and squeezes me for a moment, not saying anything, just giving me a minute to pull myself together.
I hate change. And this “best friend” of mine keeps trying to push me into a situation that terrifies the shit out of me. I know he cares about me, and he wants to protect me, but I want to protect him too. And the only way I know how to do that is by saying no to this proposal.
I press my face into his chest and wrap my arms around his waist, hugging his strong hard body back with everything I have. “I hate my dad for putting me in this position so much.”
“No, you don’t,” he says, rubbing the back of my neck. His fingers tangle in the hairs falling out of my clip as I feel his chest rise against my face and he inhales deeply. “Your dad hatesme. Butyoudon’t hate your dad.”
