Page 49 of The Backtrack
Alt-Sam was pregnant.
“No.” Sam clawed at her neck. She couldn’t be pregnant. Pregnant at eighteen, just like her mom had been. She had to stop this, whatever it was. She couldn’t end up like Bonnie. She couldn’t! She started toward the bedroom door, but as she did, her body was yanked abruptly back with awhoosh. Then there was blackness and the unmistakable release of air as she sagged against the carpeted floor.
“Sam.” Rachel’s voice was tense. “Are you okay? You look like you’re about to be sick.”
And shewasgoing to be sick. She managed to launch herself up just in time to grab the garbage bin tucked under her desk. She retched and retched and continued to vomit until her throat burned.
There was Rachel’s steady palm on her back, rubbing in slow and light circles. Sam’s shoulders sank as she carefully sat in her desk chair. She let her head fall against the closed Lisa Frank notebook as she wiped her mouth.
Sam didn’t like what she saw in the alternate version of her life. No flight school. Pregnant. Moving in with Damon. But maybe the alternate herwashappy. She seemed mostly happy, didn’t she? Was it a bad thing to want a house and to start a family with Damon?
No, Sam knew in her bones that those things were totally fine to want and to have. But then, if Alt-Samwashappy living with Damon, would that mean that Sam had made a mistake all those years ago? Would she have a family with Damon, and eventually be a pilot if she’d kissed him?
“What did you see?” Rachel gently asked.
Sam couldn’t talk to Rachel about this because she wasn’t even sure if she understood what she was feeling in that moment. “I’m sorry. I think the beer from last night finally caught up to me.”
Rachel eyed her, dubious of her excuse.
“I don’t know if I can talk about this one, not yet anyway.” Sam rubbed her head.
Rachel nodded. “It was...a bit scary to watch, to be honest. You were totally still for a long time. And then you took in this big gasp of air. I tried to wake you, but you couldn’t even hear me. I took off the headphones and everything.”
Rachel waited for a response. But Sam hadn’t known that was what happened to her, either, and she was almost in as much shock. No one could snap her out of the alternate life when she was in it? That was unsettling.
“Let me get you some water.” Rachel moved to the door.
Being left alone gave Sam time to pore over the vision. She couldn’t imagine juggling flight school and being a new mom. Would she just go to school once the baby was old enough?
Her stomach churned from the unknown. She needed a break from the CD player, and Damon, while she processed all of her new feelings. So she tucked the player into a drawer, determined not to touch it again.
20
“When’s Damon coming over?” Pearl licked a blob of sugar from her lips.
The Leto women sat at the kitchen table with mugs of hot coffee and two enormous cinnamon rolls Sam had picked up from the farmers’ market. She’d stopped there after Rachel left, in need of some comfort. Cinnamon rolls for lunch were perfectly reasonable.
“I’m not seeing him again.” Sam watched as Alligator Alice power-walked down the beach.
“What happened?” Pearl asked, taking an enormous bite of cinnamon roll.
Sam wasn’t going to tell Pearl everything, but she could give her a crumb. “I accidentally kissed him. It was a mistake.”
Pearl sat back in her chair, and absentmindedly scratched a spot on her cast.
“Go ahead,” Sam said. “Just say whatever it is you’re thinking.”
“It sounds like you’ve got feelings for him. Not that I can blame you. The man has the thighs of a rodeo cowboy.”
“Grandma.” Sam wished Pearl could keep it in her pants sometimes.
“I slept with a cowboy once on a trip to Dallas.” Pearl looked off, as if remembering. “It’s true what they say. Everything’s bigger in Texas.”
Sam was learning way too much about her grandma’s sex life. As if coming to Tybee had not only caused some magic portal to open, but also allowed Pearl to finally reveal exactly how grand of a life she’d once led.
“So, do you have feelings for him?” Pearl tried again.
That question made Sam tired. Of course she had feelings for Damon, but how could she know if what she felt was genuine, or just a projection of the possible life she’d never been able to lead?
