Page 80 of The Backtrack
Sam reached for her bag and pulled out the notebook.
SAM AND DAMON’S MAGICAL PLAYLIST
Track One: “Bring Me to Life” by Evanescence. Otherworldly song about being understood by another human. Tybee High parking lot. Questionable amounts of eyeliner. Alt-Sam kisses Damon. Missing earring is found.
Track Two: “I Believe in a Thing Called Love” by The Darkness. A bop about being head over heels for someone. Alt-Sam and Damon are officially dating. Myles continues to disappoint. Marissa didn’t have an awkward phase in high school. Jansport backpacks are timeless.
Track Three: “Supermassive Black Hole” by Muse. Inarguably the best song and movie scene pairing ever. Damon and Alt-Sam make out duringTwilightand get kicked out. One too many hickies.
Track Four: “Want You Bad” by The Offspring. A banger about a bad boy wanting to corrupt a good girl. Myles gets owned by Alt-Sam. Damon skips detention. Alt-Sam skips her extracurricular. I miss Dunkaroos.
Track Five: “Dance, Dance” by Fall Out Boy. A song about a guy meeting someone he likes at a school dance, and the angst of trying to desperately impress them. Damon tries to impress Alt-Sam and they get into A GODDAMN CAR CRASH. Soffe shorts. Condoms from Pearl. Looks like I never get to go to prom.
Track Six: “Fell In Love With a Girl” by The White Stripes. Can I ever hear this song again and not think about Alt-Sam and Damon sneaking around (??) and probably having sex (??). Alt-Sam’s vision problems continue AND she’s getting a C on an essay?
Track Seven: “Read My Mind” by The Killers, which is all about uncertainty. Makes sense, since in Alt-Sam’s high school graduation, I’m not valedictorian and waiting on a surgery to get into flight school.
Track Eight: “Over My Head” by The Fray. Written about a fight, where one person was totally out of their depth. Alt-Sam is pregnant and moving in with Damon. Maybe they’re not ready to be parents?
Track Nine: “Maps” by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. Damon’s starting nursing school and not a brewery. Wanting someone to stay is the theme of the song, and maybe Damon wants Alt-Sam to know he’ll stay by her side and through the miscarriage?
Track Ten: “The Curse of Curves” by Cute Is What We Aim For. Myles at the ice cream shop being a little too friendly with Alt-Sam, much like the song suggests. Eye surgery set for the next day. Damon and Myles acting like weirdos.
Track Eleven: “My Happy Ending” by Avril Lavigne. Saw anything but a happy scene. Alt-Sam and Damon at Farrah’s bar’s opening night, big fight. Eye surgery didn’t work. Damon asked Alt-Sam to see a therapist.
Track Twelve: “I Write Sins Not Tragedies” by Panic! at the Disco. A vision of Alt-Sam and Myles hooking up. Myles noticed that Alt-Sam was unhappy, and she leaned into his advances. Damon nowhere to be found.
Track Thirteen: “Always” by Blink-182. Instead of a second chance, Damon and Alt-Sam are officially over. Alt-Sam leaves Tybee to become a flight attendant and Damon is left behind...again.
Like many of the emo albums she’d adored, this CD played like a story unfolding. The songs started off with finding love, then falling in love and eventually losing that love. Only she was the subject, and the ending was tragic.
Sam and Damon had already agreed to stop things when she left Tybee, and the CD player showed that she was fated to leave, too. Because how could she choose Damon now without giving up her life or making him give up his? Still, the reality of never getting to be with him—in this life or the alternate one—didn’t hurt any less.
34
“What’s wrong?” Damon asked. “You haven’t touched your mountain of sugar.”
Sam glanced down at her plate—thick slabs of French toast homemade by Damon, covered in powdered sugar and maple syrup, sitting untouched.
No, she hadn’t eaten any of her breakfast because she had a lot on her plate, both literally and emotionally. While she’d known she couldn’t stay in Tybee, her last vision really hammered home the fact that Damon’s place was in their hometown, while hers was in flight.
But leaving Damon again seemed wrong, somehow.
Their fate felt unacceptable, she supposed. But that wasn’t an easy thing to explain to a man who just wanted her to try his French toast that he’d cooked to remind her of Paris.
“They call this pain perdu,” Sam said as she cut off a corner of the sweet-smelling stuff. When she took a bite, the crisp and caramelized edges melted in her mouth and momentarily distracted her. Sam sucked rogue syrup off her thumb. “Did they teach you how to make this in beer school?”
“Yes, Hangovers 101 taught us the basics of breakfast items to bring you back to life,” he joked.
Damon wiped a bit of syrup from the corner of her mouth with his thumb, and her breath caught. In a few days she’d leave Tybee, and this man and these moments. Even the visions told her that was what she was meant to do. But a big part of her couldn’t imagine just walking away.
“You’re giving me the saddest little face right now. What’s wrong?” He leaned forward, like he genuinely wanted to know. Because if nothing else, he was Damon, a real friend, so of course he did.
She realized the only real way through was to tell Damon the truth. She couldn’t keep this from him any longer.
She brushed powdered sugar off her fingers, turned in the swivel chair and placed her palms on his knees. “I’m going to tell you something, and you’re probably going to think I’m making a joke, but it’s not a joke.”
“Okaaay,” he said, extending the word. “I’m listening.”
