Page 48 of Not You Again
“Ending, yes,” she said again, in that grave tone.
“Isn’t that a good thing?” Carly asked.
“It could be,” Adam said, trying to be hopeful.
Dr. Song chimed in. “If you consider falling into a black void agood thing.”
Carly looked nauseated. “A void?”
“What we know is that being in the loop is keeping us alive,” Dr. Song said. “If it collapses, who knows what’s on the other side.”
Of course, the loop ending didn’t necessarily mean thepeople in Julian would be saved. In fact, it could very well mean the opposite. Adam had been so blinded by Carly’s optimism that he hadn’t even considered the idea.
Carly’s hand reached out and grabbed on to his, which caused Adam’s doomsday thoughts to slow. He squeezed back, relieved to have her to hold on to. And he realized that they both were likely experiencing the same kind of lopsided feeling.
What if the loop ended, and their world did, too?
Chapter 17
Carly
Day 248
One minute, Carly had been squeezing Adam’s hand so tightly that her own had started to cramp, and the next she found herself surrounded by the harsh overhead lighting of the funeral home.
She stared at the coffin. What if she only got to be in the same room with her dad a handful more times? If she’d understood what Dr. Song and Adam were saying, then the loop ending could mean that they just disappeared. Was that possible?
Carly pushed out of the chair and placed her hands on the casket. “Dad?” She looked down to where he rested. “There’s some really scary shit going on. Scarier than a time loop. If you’re watching over me, could you... I don’t know, send a sign of what to do?”
She waited, hoping for a signal, when a creak in the floorboard sounded. Carly turned to see a flame-haired giant. She glanced back to where her dad was. “You’re hilarious,” she said to the casket.
“What was that?” Adam’s deep voice ricocheted around the space.
“Nothing.” Carly’s cheeks flushed as she turned back to him. There he was—rumpled hair, tie slightly askew, long arms dangling at his sides—same as always, but also different. She’d kissed this version of Adam. He’d... tasted her, made her come. She’d felt how hard he’d grown when she moaned...
“How are you feeling about everything?” he asked.
Carly shook off her desire and started down the aisle of chairs. “Overwhelmed,” she said. “My ADHD brain isn’t helping. I just keep pinging between all these thoughts. Not sure where to even begin, really.”
“I think fresh air is supposed to be good, in general.” Adam cocked his head to the side, then said, “Come on, let me take you somewhere.”
Carly found that she couldn’t say no to that offer if she tried. She followed Adam outside and imagined he’d lead her down a quiet little country road, as Julian was chock full of those. But no, Adam didn’t take her somewhere serene. Instead, he walked her to the graveyard across from the funeral home.
“Gee, for a funeral director you sure are morbid,” Carly said.
“For a writer, you’re very astute.” He gave her a sideways glance. “Shireen used to call this placespooky. I’ve always thought it was kind of peaceful.”
Then, to prove his point, a mother deer and fawn grazed on an empty patch of grass on the side of one hill.
“Don’t they have any respect for the dead?” Carly nodded to the deer.
“They buck tradition,” he said back.
“Hear that, everybody? The man makes jokes!” Carlycalled out. Then quieter, she said, “I didn’t hear anyone laugh, but I thought it was funny.”
For a moment, this felt normal. Like they were just flirting—flirting?Yes, she supposed that was what this banter was—and not about to be sucked into avoid, as Dr. Song had so delicately put it. Adam led them to an open clearing with five plots, each with elaborate headstones that featured multiple family photos behind glass.
“This family is from Italy,” he said. “Apparently, a lot of Italians feature photos of the person throughout their life on the tombstones. I always thought that was nice, to remember someone as they were in life, versus where they were buried.”
