Page 52 of Not You Again
“I think it’s time you painted that mural.” Sheila pointed the cake fork at Bill.
Bill waved her off. “I’m not going to spend my last moments smelling like paint. I want to spend it...” Bill raised his brows in a deeply suggestive way.
“Give me a break. You love painting. You’ve always dreamed of having a mural in town,” his mom tried again.
“You have?” Adam looked at his dad, who gave a small shrug. Obviously, he knew his dad’s hobby was art. Maybe he’d even call it his passion. But a mural?
“Who doesn’t dream of that?” Bill asked.
“I don’t,” Sheila said as she speared more cake onto her fork. “I dream of a lounge chair on the beach and being massaged, like normal people.”
“Why didn’t you ever go for that, then?” Adam asked. “We’ve had all this time in the loop. You could’ve painted a mural every day.”
“I can’t just go and paint a mural, Adam.” Bill’s voice was almost accusatory.
Sheila raised her eyebrows at Adam, almost suggesting she’d had this conversation with his dad before. Then she said to Bill, “Okay, honey.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound upset. There’s just a lotto unravel here.” Bill’s face had gone red. Adam wondered what he was suppressing, and what had held Bill back from accomplishing this one thing.
“I still have to tell Shireen.” Adam stood from the table with the sudden need to leave this conversation. He couldn’t meet his father’s eyes. His dad had a dream that was right in front of him, but he wouldn’t eventryto achieve it. The whole thing filled Adam with a mix of sadness and frustration, and he didn’t want to project those onto his family. Not when their time here had an expiration date.
Sheila followed him to the door. “Don’t worry about your dad,” she said in a whisper. “You know he doesn’t like change. For him, the idea of painting a mural is as overwhelming as going to space without a suit. He doesn’t even know where to start.” Sheila opened the door for Adam, but stood in the frame to suggest they weren’t done talking.
“It’s sad,” Adam said. “Dad has this very attainable dream, and he won’t even try?”
“You’re right. It is sad. I hope he tries.” Sheila rubbed the apple of Adam’s cheek with her thumb. “But you should think about what you want, too. You have a handful of loops left. How are you going to spend them?”
A handful of loops left.Those words were as heavy as stones, but when Adam thought about how to spend them, there was Carly, all light and vibrant. His mom had asked him a question, and instead of shielding her from the truth, he decided to be brave, the way Carly had taught him. “I want to show Carly the constellations,” he finally said.
“That sounds really lovely.” Sheila kissed him on his forehead. “I’ve noticed a nice change in you since Carly showed up. You seem... I don’t know, more confident, maybe? Kind of like you have some energy again. I’m happy about that. I hope you’re making her feel the same way.”
Was he making her happy? Maybe parts of their day were spent on Carly’s desires, but he worried he’d been steering them more toward what he preferred. The planetarium, the timing of the eclipse. Had he stopped to ask Carly how she’d wanted to spend this time?
“I know you often look to your dad and me for the answers, but I’m glad you’re finding some of your own. And who knows? Maybe this wormhole isn’t an end, but a different path.”
His mom hugged him, and Adam hugged her back. He started to wonder if she was right—maybe he’d looked to his mom and dad for guidance so much that he hadn’t bothered to find himself. If time was running out, that meant he only had so much to try and course correct.
As Adam walked to the hearse, he knew he had to find Shireen. He was done holding on to the anger around the end of their marriage, and he owed her the opportunity to find happiness before the loop ended, too. Adam would always care about Shireen—she’d been part of his life for so long that it was impossible not to—but he was done trying to punish her for what happened.
That was another reason he’d wanted to have these conversations on his own. If he was going to spend more time with Carly, he wanted to do that with a clear conscience. Having a conversation with his ex was the only way forward.
The alarm on his watch signaled the start of the eclipse was near. Adam got into the car, put on his eclipse glasses and waited. He easily spied the shadow bands along the dirt road just off the driveway. If he’d had infinite loops, would he ever be able to solve their origins? He’d never know. The last eclipse had been a full minute shorter, and as the seconds ticked on, he just hoped for more time. He’d had 248 loops toresolve his issues with Shireen, to find who he was, but he’d squandered all that by remaining firmly lodged in the past. Whatever the outcome, Adam just had to try to embrace what he wanted, and he hoped Carly wanted to be part of that, too.
When the moon slipped off the sun and Adam checked the time, it was 2:37. Ten seconds shorter. He was unsure of what that meant but ferreted the thoughts away because his priority would be finding Shireen so that the next loop, when he had his chance to see Carly, he’d be able to start with a clean slate.
Perhaps the only good thing about Adam’s former best friend, Dean, was that finding him was quite easy. His vintage Mustang convertible was painted cherry-red, so Adam’s mission was to find that car. He was grateful when it wasn’t parked outside the cabin where he and Shireen used to live. The car wasn’t outside the duplex where Dean lived, either. When he didn’t spot the car around Main Street, Adam gritted his teeth. Julian wasn’t a big place, but there was a possibility he could spend all night trying to track Shireen down, only to have to chat with her in the morning, which wasn’t his plan. He wanted his morning with Carly to be all about her.
Dean worked as a sommelier at one of the Julian wineries. Set in the hills on over a hundred acres of land, the Lyon Vineyard was owned by a renowned chef who sold the wine exclusively from her Michelin-starred restaurant but also served those who came through the town. As Adam drove up the long, sandy driveway to the top of the hill, Dean’s fiery red car practically winked at him.
Adam remembered spending most Saturday nights at the French-inspired winery with Shireen and Dean, feeling so lucky to have a best friend and a wife he loved, and thatthey all liked to spend time together. He was going to forgive Shireen and wish her the best, yes, but moments like these were still hard to stomach—did the affair begin here?
Adam pulled the dated and dusty hearse next to the timeless and gleaming convertible. The sooner he got this over with, the sooner he could refocus on the next few loops and how to spend them with Carly. So he straightened, marched himself to the front door and let himself in.
French pop music played, and the tasting room smelled like ripe plums. There were booths for seating as well as stools around big wine barrels, but Shireen sat near the pocket windows, which had been pulled open and looked out onto the rolling vineyard. On the table in front of her was an open bottle of red wine and two full glasses, along with a charcuterie plate loaded with meat and cheese and almonds. Carly might like this place actually, considering all the cheese.
“Babe, you’re about to miss the sunset,” Shireen said. She turned, clocked Adam and froze. “Oh—oh my God, sorry, I thought you were Dean.”
Adam held up his hands. “I come in peace.” He walked to the table and took a seat across from Shireen.
