Page 53 of Not You Again
Shireen said quietly, “Dean will be back any second.”
“This won’t take long.” Adam’s palms had begun to sweat. “I know you don’t love when I fixate on astronomy stuff—another one of my rants.”
Shireen had always playfully rolled her eyes when Adam waxed poetic about the stars. It wasn’t that she’d been unsupportive, but she’d grown less and less open to hearing Adam’s observations on the night sky. This, however, he had to share, even if Shireen didn’t believe him.
She took a sip of wine, maybe biting back her words, so Adam quickly started. “I mentioned the eclipse time was shortening?” He waited for her to nod, and when she did, he continued. “It’s over a minute shorter now. I spoke with a Caltech scientist, and she thinks this might mean the loop is about to end.”
“The loop is ending?” Shireen sat forward. “For real?”
“The thing is, we don’t know if the loop ending is good or bad.”
“Why would it be bad?” Shireen’s incredulous expression was one Adam was familiar with—one she’d given him many times in their marriage.
“Well, we don’t know what’s on the other side. We might be fine, but there’s also the possibility we won’t be.” He let those words sit.
“Why are you even telling me this?” Shireen glanced around him, as if trying to see if the real answer would present itself. “How do I know you’re not just messing with me?”
“I realized that if we only have a few loops left, I don’t want to spend them holding on to resentment. Our relationship ended a long time ago, even before the affair. You were right. I wasn’t present.” He wiped a hand across his face. As it turned out, admitting he was wrong was painful. “I just want you to know that I’m sorry for making you feel like you didn’t have a partner. I’m sorry that I took you for granted. And I’m sorry that I latched on to this anger for such a long time.”
“Thank you,” she eventually said. “I’m sorry, too. For everything.”
Adam knew what hereverythingmeant—she was sorry for the Dean of it. He’d heard her say this so many times, but now it felt they were meeting at similar emotional places.
“I won’t ever fully forgive you and Dean for the choices you both made, but I’m ready to move on with my life, if you are too.” Adam stood up from the table, took the untouchedglass of wine and held it out to Shireen. “To the end of our marriage, and the beginning of what’s next.”
Shireen sucked in her lower lip, then held up her glass and they clinked. Adam took a long, hearty gulp of the wine.
He wanted to find Carly. He wanted to bury his face in her thick black hair. He wanted to be with her and experience all the time they had left in the world.
“I hope you’re happy, too,” Shireen added.
“Thanks.” Adam met her gaze and they shared a kind of goodbye. He didn’t wish her anything but happiness. And moving to that place felt so much better than the acrimonious planet they’d been orbiting.
Of course, he wasn’t above being petty. On his way out, Adam couldn’t help kicking one of Dean’s tires. Childish, yes. Satisfying? Also yes.
According to his watch, he had four more hours to find Carly before the reset. Unlike Dean, though, she didn’t have a cherry-red tracker attached to her. Still, he knew enough about Carly to understand that she wouldn’t be in some remote field, where the possibility of a cow encounter was strong. She wouldn’t be at her dad’s house, which seemed to be an off-limits zone. No, she’d most likely be in town where there were people and activities to disappear into.
Adam drove to town, got out of his car and searched the whole of Main Street. He nearly tripped over a pile of empty shoeboxes that were lined up like an enormous domino set. He was fairly certain he was offered drugs a handful of times—random pills of varying colors. And he paused to watch in wonder as a human s’more was created. One person coated in marshmallow fluff, another squirted with Hershey’s chocolate syrup and still another covered in honey and sprinkled withcrushed graham crackers. What would happen to the human s’more after was a true mystery he didn’t want to get to the bottom of.
Adam walked into every store. He called out her name,Carly, Carly, Carly, but wasn’t able to compete over the sound of theWickedsoundtrack blaring from an outdoor speaker. He went to The Last Showing theater and cupped his hands to look through the glass windows. But she wasn’t there, not even a light left on.
Adam slumped against the outside of the theater, barely noticing the chaos around him because his thoughts were on their own kind of overdrive.
Is she okay?
Where the hell could she be?
What if something happened and I wasn’t there to help?
He knew that the world would reset, and he’d eventually find her. But it was strange how even a few minutes without Carly felt like the longest of his life. She was a nova explosion, and he was blindsided by the force of her. Adam hadn’t felt that kind of intense longing for anyone in years.
And he did long for Carly now. Maybe it was that pining that caused him to turn his head and spot her in the sea of people. Carly stood outside of an enormous pillow fort, holding a couch cushion and propping it against the side of the Sunglass Hut. Around her were a handful of children, popping in and out of the fort. Adam had started to jog toward them without even realizing it.
When he reached her, his hand landed on her shoulder and she turned. The smile fell off her face as she took in the sight of him. “I’m not your mom or Shireen, in case that wasn’t obvious.”
Carly picked up another pillow and carefully placed it on top of the fort.
“I know that.” He wasn’t sure what she was getting at. “Are you mad at me?”
