Page 79 of Not You Again
“Where is he?” Carly asked through a sob.
“I’m sure he’ll be back the next loop.” Shireen hugged her tighter.
But he wasn’t back the next loop, or the one after that. Four more loops passed, and no one had seen Adam. No one else had gone missing, either, from what they could tell. The eclipse remained at 2:47. Everything was normal, except for the most important person in Carly’s world vanishing.
On the eighth loop with Adam missing, Carly had grown tired of waiting for something to happen. She was angry, actually. What the hell was this loop playing at in not giving Adam back? She’d been patient (or tried to be), but she wasn’t willing to spend any more time without him. She remembered what Heather had told them:Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Carly was going to retrace her steps with Adam to see if something happened that caused him to vanish. Maybe if she replaced the anxiety about Adam with the memories of him she loved most, it could bring him back. Maybe, by living in the places they’d spent time, he’d come back to those spots, too. Equal and opposite reactions.
“Wish me luck, Dad,” Carly told Bruce before leaving the funeral home.
She skipped the pity party with Shireen, too, and quickly started the walk into town, the way she had so many times. The walk was a bit of a balm, in that this was familiar territory. Carly hadn’t realized how much Adam had infiltrated not only her thoughts, but associations as well. As she walked past the pasture where the terrifying cows had been, and Adam had (maybe rightfully) teased her, she was reminded of him. Whenshe got to Main Street and tripped over a crack in the sidewalk, she remembered the spot where she’d stage kissed him.
Her first target was the library—the time when she’d admitted she wanted to kiss him, even without scientific reasons. Carly walked through the sliding glass doors and headed straight for the nonfiction section. She found the aisle with the Kip Thorne books. What would Adam want her to find in these? She took every Kip Thorne book on the shelf and brought them to a long table to start sorting through. As she cracked open a book, though, she got the distinct sense that it wasn’t the words she was meant to consume, but the memories.
Carly walked through the library, past the rows where Adam kissed her, and the desk where he’d sat her down and she’d moaned his name. Instead of allowing her mind to spin out of control with “what-if” scenarios, she closed her eyes and tried to remember the buttery smell of Adam, the way his fingers scratched her back as he pulled her in, the wicked grin he got before giving her pleasure.
When she left the library and walked to the French bistro they’d spent time in, she admittedly felt calmer. Something about reliving those memories brought him back, if only briefly, and having the memory of Adam was better than no Adam at all.
She ate thick slices of cheese and baguette outside where the bistro string lights dangled above her head. She remembered exchanging barbs with Adam there. What she wouldn’t give for him to tease her in that moment.Cheese comes from cows, she could almost hear him saying.
When she’d finished, she walked along the sidewalk and found a discarded bike. She pedaled all the way to Adam’s house, where she climbed the steps to the tree house and sat in the middle of the floor to time the eclipse. 2:47. No change.
Carly rode the bike up a steep mountain to the observatory, where she watched the sunset and recalled their trip to observe the stars. On the way back to town, she stopped in the orchard, lit by the night sky, and swiped a red apple from a tree. She took a bite of the juicy fruit, and the sweet smell brought back the feel of Adam pressed against her, and how he took her hand in his to trace the constellations.
She watched the stars, just as Adam would’ve. The air grew cold and she curled herself up to stay warm. In the morning, he might reset. In the morning, her actions might have an equal and opposite reaction. In the morning, the future she wanted might be waiting.
Chapter 29
Carly
Day 260
Carly accepted she might not see Adam. She knew that he’d been gone for eight loops, and this one might not be any different. So she braced herself for disappointment as she pushed up from the folding chair and made her way down the aisle of the funeral room.
Before she could leave, Shireen appeared in the door frame.
“What are your plans today?” Shireen asked. “Dean and I were thinking of going to this creek with a few innertubes. I know it’s not searching for Adam, but I think we could all use a break.”
Carly was certain that time had stopped. She grasped onto the back of a chair for support and fell to her knees in the middle of the aisle. She began to rock herself, and at some point, she felt Shireen’s hand on her shoulder. “Carly...”
“I thought he’d be here,” Carly croaked out. She’d braced herself and known this was a possibility, but the reality was still impossible. “I thought...”
Finishing the sentence was too painful. Because that was exactly what she was—in pain without Adam there.
Shireen sat cross-legged next to Carly. “When I lost my dad, my mom said for years afterward I would say things like, ‘Dad’s with me,’ or ‘Dad is here.’ His body had left, but his spirit was still there, watching over us. I don’t think Adam isgone, because I haven’t felt him go away. Have you?”
Carly shook her head. She’d been brought back into their memories but hadn’t sensed him there beside her.
Shireen continued, “And with your dad, do you ever kind of get a feeling like he’s watching over you?”
Come find me, Carly girl.Bruce’s words echoed in her head. She’d sensed him on a few occasions, and whenever she was in a space he’d occupied. “Yes,” she eventually said.
“Just hold on to that.” Shireen’s expression had become concerned. “Are you going to be okay? Do you want to come with me?”
Carly pushed her glasses up so she could swipe a tear from her eye. “I’ll be okay.”
Shireen pushed to stand and said, “I really loved your dad’s movie theater, by the way. I sometimes took a long lunch break, got popcorn and would watch a movie by myself. He created a magical space.”
