Page 67 of Not You Again
“We know that.” Sheila reached a hand for Adam. “But this is all new for us, honey. We’re just trying to make sense of it.”
“So ask me,” he said. “Why are you so fixated on her when I’m the one whose been studying this the whole time?”
“Because you don’t talk to us.” Bill unexpectedly slammed a fist on the tabletop. “All you ever seem to say is everything is fine, when it clearly isn’t. You never open up.”
Carly shouldn’t be here. This was a conversation between Adam and his parents. She began to slide her chair out from the table, but Adam grabbed on to her wrist and gave her a pleading look. “Please don’t go,” he said.
“Okay,” she quickly said and eased back into her seat. If Adam wanted her to stay, she’d do that for him.
“I’m asking Carly to stay because, if anything, she’s the one who’s helped me open up more.”
Carly swallowed down a nervous lump. Now she was being roped into the family drama, and she wasn’t sure that would end well for her. Nevertheless, he carried on talking.
“I don’t talk to you because any time I do, you tend to shut me down,” Adam said.
“What?” Sheila leaned across the table, as if she hadn’theard him correctly. “You said you needed space to grieve Shireen. We gave that to you. You asked to be left alone all day every day. We allowed it. Your dad and I have been nothing but accommodating.”
“You didn’t give me space to grieve, though.” Adam ran a hand through his hair as he gathered his words and, Carly assumed, courage. “You gave me my old room, yes, but then every other loop you told me it was time to move on. I needed to get on with my life. I needed to forget about Shireen. You never stopped to ask me how I was feeling. You never told me that it was normal to feel like my heart had been ripped out of my body. All you wanted was for me to get over it.”
“That’s not true,” Bill countered. “I’ve asked if you wanted to talk about Shireen.”
“You’ve asked, yes,” Adam admitted. “But historically, I’ve learned that whenever I tell you what’s on my mind, it’s never what you want to hear.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Sheila crossed her arms.
Either the room was warm, or all the rage was heating the space up. Carly fought the urge to fan her face with her hand. Instead, she put her palm on Adam’s back as a show of support. She wished she could hit a pause button to hug him.
“I never wanted to go into the family business,” Adam said. “I wanted to go to Caltech, but you made it clear that wouldn’t be acceptable. Carly is the only person who asked me what I want to do with my life, with my career. I’ve only known her for a short time, but she’s been more supportive of what I actually care about than anyone else.”
“You’re blaming us for you not going to Caltech?” his dad asked incredulously. “I’m sorry if you feel like we stopped you from that but, Adam, you stopped yourself.”
Adam cleared his throat and straightened. “What are you talking about?”
“Yes, I wanted you to take over the family business because it would be a secure job. I told you that so you could have all the information. But we never, not once, told you not to go to Caltech, or to pursue a career you wanted.” Bill’s voice shook with some emotion he was holding back.
Adam, too, seemed to want to avoid his feelings as he studied his hands. Eventually, he said, “You didn’t have to directly discourage me. You made it clear when you repeatedly asked how I’d make money and what I’d do for work.”
“Correct, we’re your parents and of course we’re going to ask you questions,” Bill said. “Are you seriously blaming me for where you are right now?”
“Are you seriously saying that your lack of support has nothing to do with where I am?” Adam quickly replied.
Carly had thoughts. The first being that she may not have pursued screenwriting if her father had discouraged her from it. She’d sought his approval for most of her life decisions. But she also knew some of what Bill said was fair—Adam was his own person. An adult. If he wanted to go to Caltech, he could apply.
But that was Adam’s nature, wasn’t it? He was more cautious. He cared deeply about what his parents thought. He was like his dad, in that sense.
Carly’s dad had always charted his own course. Even when Carly disapproved of his moving to Julian, he’d gone ahead and done it anyway.
“I can’t listen to any more of this.” Bill stood from the table. He gave Adam a hard look. “We’ve given you everything, Adam. I don’t know what more you want.”
Bill left the room, and Adam pushed his chair out, maybe ready to follow. But Sheila held up her hand.
“Adam, remember the last loop you were here, and we talked about your dad wanting to paint a mural in town?” Sheila asked.
Adam nodded.
“Caltech is your mural,” she continued. “You and your dad suffer from the same kind of paralyzing fear of failure. You’re right that we were not one hundred percent supportive. We had questions, because we only know what we know. And the world you wanted to explore is one we have no experience with. I’m sorry if our concerns stopped you from pursuing your dreams. But honey, unless you want to end up like your dad, you have to own your choices, too.”
Adam’s chin began to wobble, and Carly instinctively rubbed slow circles across his back. Her heart broke for how hard it must’ve been for him to say any of this to his parents, and for how they’d reacted. What would the right reaction be? She wasn’t sure, but none of this made her feel great.
