Page 38 of Deja Who
“Gah,” he managed to say into her mouth. “Nnnff. Of all the nights to forget my rape whistle.”
That made her giggle and for a few seconds she just laughed and sort of shook against him. He took the chance and brought his arm up around her waist, raised his head, and kissed her gently on her soft, sweet mouth, and never had a closed-mouth kiss been so glorious.
“Okay,” she said, sitting up. On him, but he didn’t mind. It did leave him well within pouncing range, though, so he couldn’t have escaped those hands and that mouth when she decided to start up again. Which was wonderful. Bad! He meant bad. “What seems to be the problem? Do I have to go on a condom hunt?”
“Please stop distracting me with pictures in my head that are alarming and weird and devastatingly sexy,” he groaned. “Condom hunt. Would that be like a scavenger hunt? A sex scavenger hunt? Oh my God, someday can we have a sex scavenger hunt?”
“It’s a date,” she said in a solemn tone, then spoiled the effect by snickering.
“God, you’re gorgeous when you laugh.” He looked up at her and smiled, and hoped she wasn’t troubled by the enthusiastic presence of Lieutenant Winky, who was currently trying to rip itself free of his jeans, most likely because she was sitting on him.
(Arrgghh yes that’s it escape Lieutenant Winky fly be free you lucky bastard!)
He sat up and willed himself not to burst into horny tears at what he was slowing down. Lieutenant Winky would be furious with him. “Okay. Okay. Okay.” He shook his head to get clear. “Okay. God, you’re so—I love your mouth and think we should no nono!” He sucked in a steadying breath. “First, you’re the sexiest thing in the world and I am breaking my own heart byputting a stop to this. Second, you’re the sexiest thing in the world. Third, my penis is not a sleeping pill. Fourth, you’ve had a really emotional day and I don’t want to be That Guy and take advantage when you’re obviously vulnerable, and fifth, my status as life-blind might count as slumming for an Insighter, so—”
“Wait. What?”
“My penis is not a sleeping pill? That was the weirdest, so I’m betting that’s what you zeroed in on.” Might be the life-blind thing, too, but no, he was betting it was the penis pill analogy.
She was scowling at him, which terrified him and also called up the urge to kiss the corner of her scowl. “Yes, that’s the one.”
“Not that I have anything against comfort sex. I love it. Women are always crying when we... let me rephrase.”
“By all means, rephrase. Then you can explain what you meant about slumming. Then let’s go back to discussing the sleeping pill qualities of your penis.”
“You leave Lieutenant Winky out of this.” She blinked slowly, like an owl, but (thank God!) said nothing. “And you keep those things in there, thank you very much,” he said, pointing at her chest. “No fair stabbing me with them.”
“Ah. What?”
“And I’m not saying you’d be into slumming. But you can’t tell me the thought never even scraped the edge of your mind.”
“What, because I can’t see your lives? That actually makes you much more attractive to me. Most people are so...” She shivered. “Crowded. In their minds. All those past regrets and deaths piling on top of each other in their brains... no wonder some of them go crazy. Poor things, they deserve better than me.”
“Jeez, don’t say that.” He was honestly horrified that she hadsuch a crap opinion of her skills. “And there aren’t better than you.”
He hoped she’d smile and she did, but it was small and sickly. “That’s their bad luck, and mine. But getting back to you, I don’t know if blind is the right word. I have a theory... never mind, it’s boring. But you’re not boring, which is wonderful.”
He snorted, disbelieving. It wasn’t especially pleasant, but he knew many Insighters saw the life-blind as developmentally disabled.You can’t do what billions of people can? What else is wrong with you, you pathetic freak?
“All that aside, I don’t want to be the thing you use to distract yourself from getting murdered. And I won’t tolerate a one-night stand with you.”
“Won’t... tolerate?”
He checked the immediate area for knives. All clear. If she went for her bra, he was a dead man. “I’m too greedy,” he said simply. “I want to be more than that to you. So we’re gonna slow down and we’re gonna talk, and then I’m going to walk you to the door like a gentleman, and then I’m going to go upstairs and take a long shower so I can cry and masturbate in peace.”
The pissy look on her face vanished and she cracked up. “Really? You are? That’s... ah, God.”
“Yeah. Stop l-laughing.” He stuttered the “l” because he was starting to lose it, too.Did I really just tell that to my future sweetie please God let her be my future sweetie... “Not that I’m ruling out casual encounters in general, I just want more with you. Would you honestly be okay with scenarios where we bang so hard and so well you stumble home after pulling the tattered remnants of your clothes back on and I spend the next three days drinking cans of Ensure? Don’t answer that. That was a trick question.”
All at once, he wanted to stock a supply of Ensure.
“I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re so...” She gestured to the air as if she could pull down the word she wanted. “...uncluttered. Is it nice?”
“Being uncluttered? And I’m ignoring the condescension in your tone, missy.” He was sitting up, ignoring the sullen throb from his pissed-off balls. They would, he knew, make him pay. They’d done it before. “Next you’ll pat me on the head and call me a poor baby.”
“But is it?”
“Sorry, my brain is missing a ton of blood right now and it’ll be another couple of minutes before it catches up. What was the question?”
