Page 23 of Blade's Return
And then, everything went bad.
I hadn’t planned on kissing her. It just happened one night after work. The air was thick with everything we weren’t saying. One moment we were talking, and the next, my mouth was on hers—soft, desperate, hungry. To my surprise, Olivia didn’t pull away. She kissed me back and my heart beat out of my chest. My phone began ringing and I wanted to ignore it, but Olivia pulled away and smiled at me. I can still remember her soft voice.
“Answer it, Bear. I’m not going anywhere.”
Those words filled my heart completely.
I saw the caller ID and it was Ranger. He’d been giving me shit and I didn’t want to take the chance that he’d hear her voice and told Olivia to wait—kissing her forehead while promising I’d be right back.
When I returned to our table inside the Subway, my whole world crashed. Ayita was there smiling, waving, and running into my arms. “I thought you were working in Townsend!” she said, bright and trusting. Livy stood frozen, silent. Disappointment filled her gaze and there was so much pain. Pain I caused. I hadn’t told her about Ayita.
The scene replays in my mind. Years haven’t diminished it at all. I lied and told Ayita that I finished the job early and stopped to take a leak. I saw the crushing disappointment in Olivia’s face, and I fucking hated myself. I started to take the words back—tell Ayita I was in love with Olivia, confess everything. Before I could, the future I wanted slipped through my fucking fingers. Ayita’s words ended everything.
“Baby, I have a surprise for you. I just got back from the mall, and I visited your favorite store.” She turned to look at Olivia—oblivious to the pain in those beautiful eyes. “He loves when I go to Victoria’s Secret,” Ayita laughed. “Bear this is my friend Olivia. Livy, this is the guy you encouraged me to take a chance on.”
“She did?” I ask shocked.
“I didn’t give her any details, not even your name. I just asked her if she thought I could trust a man with my heart who had a questionable past. You know I had reservations, sweetheart. Olivia encouraged me to take the leap. She said she was in love with someone who was making the same type of changes and had never been happier.”
For a second, the world stopped turning. “You are?” I question, trying my best to keep breathing.
“I was,” Olivia whispered. “It didn’t work out. He was in a relationship and didn’t tell me.”
“Oh no. What a fucking creep. If Bear did that, it would destroy me,” Ayita said, wrapping her arms against my side and burrowing into me. “Don’t let it stop you, Livy. There are good ones out there. Bear is proof of it. I’m living with him now and we’ve even talked about having a baby.”
Olivia was shattered. I saw it clearly. Fuck, I was too. When I’d had the conversation with Ayita, I hadn’t met Olivia again. Christ, I’d been avoiding Ayita for a month and finding reasons to stay at the club. I even told her I was having second thoughts. What I hadn’t done was end it … Fuck.
Olivia didn’t scream, didn’t tell Ayita the truth. She just looked at me, letting me see her pain. “It was a pleasure to meet you, Bear. You’ve got a wonderful girlfriend. They don’t get better than Ayita.”
My world crashed. I kissed her, betrayed her, and she still protected me.
I blink, coming back to the present when Ayita curls up and says, “You okay?”
“Yeah, babe. Just thinking about some stuff—club shit,” I lie.
“I’m going to take a shower. We have to be at the club soon. You do still want me there to talk to the interior designer that you guys hired, right?”
“Yeah. You know we’re useless at that shit. We just want to be high-end. Okay, I’ll jump in the shower. You can join me if you like.”
I force a smile onto my lips. She deserves better than me. I should have told her the truth back then. Now, it’s much too late. I really was going to. A month after that shit at Subway, I’d finally decided to man up. Ayita knew something was wrong. I hadn’t touched her since. I’d reached out to Olivia, but she avoided me like the plague. When I finally cornered her, I told her I was going to end things with Ayita. That it wasn’t fair to the woman. I told her I was in love with her. Olivia just looked at me. She said we couldn’t build our happiness on someone else’s pain. That she couldn’t live with herself if she did that.
“You should have told me you were in a relationship, Bear.”
Those words will always haunt me. I pulled Olivia to me and kissed her with everything had—everything I felt. It was our last kiss.
It took a while to work past mine and Olivia’s pain, but we pieced together our friendship and it’s something I will never let go of. Over time, those feelings for her haven’t lessened but they have changed into acceptance. Olivia didn’t fit in my world. Ayita does. She loves every minute of it. I guess that’s why I’ve tried to talk to Blade, I don’t want him to fuck up like I did. Olivia deserves better. She’s going to be hurt enough when she finds out that Blade is my brother.
“You sure you’re okay?” Ayita asks, frowning. I lean down and kiss her. I love Ayita now. It’s not the same kind of love I have for Olivia. It’s warm and constant, but not what she should have from a man.
“Just stressed. I’m okay. Go shower. I need to get my head together.”
I see a small flash of sadness hit her. I know she’s picked up that things aren’t where they should be, but—like me—she’s accepted what we have is good and is going with it.
“If you’re sure,” she hedges, studying my face.
“Positive,” I tell her and give her a quick kiss.
She goes into the bathroom and as soon as the door closes, I fall back on the bed with a sigh. Fuck, I need to get my head together. Ayita’s cell rings. I stretch, grabbing it, and frowning because I recognize Olivia’s number instantly. I may not call it anymore, but it’s still in my brain.
