Page 46 of Steadfast (True North)
The feel of his fingertips sliding into my panties made us gasp together. “So slick and sweet,” he growled. “You feel likemine.”
I couldn’t answer him because I was too busy yanking him in for another kiss. An addiction is when you can’t keep away from something that’s bad for you. Maybe Jude was a drug addict, but I was a Jude addict.
He got the rest of my clothes off finally. Then we were skin to skin, Jude lying on top of me. We were staring into each other’s eyes, and I wanted to die of happiness. I let my hands wander up his thickly muscled arms to his big shoulders. “You got so big in prison,” I gasped.
His next kiss had him chuckling into my mouth. “That sounds really badass, Soph. But I got big lifting bushel crates of apples at the Shipleys’.”
I tightened my legs around his waist. “Do me, farm boy.”
“As you wish.” He reached back, his palm landing at my ankle. He skimmed my shin with his big hand, making me shiver. Then he claimed my mouth in a blistering kiss. I was practically quivering with anticipation when he gave a purposeful thrust and filled me.
“Ah!” we both gasped, and the sexy grimace on his face was beautiful.
We melted together in another kiss, and Jude began to rock. He set a slow, aching pace that would have been torture if I didn’t have his mouth on mine. I threaded my fingers through his thick, wavy hair and sighed.
And then hesmiledat me between kisses. I saw a flash of the old Jude—naughty but sweet. That smile affected me even more than the slide of hot skin against skin. My pulse kicked up a notch, and I tugged him closer. I crossed my ankles behind his ass and squeezed.
Jude groaned as he picked up the pace. “Fuck, Sophie. I can’t go slow with you. Never could.”
He wasn’t the only one. My breath came in short, happy puffs as he rode me hard. I felt my joy crest. Kicking my legs out to the side, I arched up to meet him.
Crying out his name, I bucked one more time. Jude growled into my mouth and then planted himself deeply. We pulsed together, gripping one another as if certain something would try to tear us apart.
Because something always did.
* * *
Ifloated back downto earth slowly. Last time I’d entered Jude’s room, I’d told him, “It’s just sex.” What a crock of crap. He was everything to me. It’s just that I was only allowed to have everything for an hour before it disappeared again.
But today was my birthday, and tonight I was a glass-half-full kind of girl.
Jude shifted his weight off me and rolled to his side. But then he pulled me close, and I snuggled into his shoulder.
Maybe he expected me to burst into tears again, but I wasn’t going to. There would almost surely be more tears over Jude. But I’d save them for later. Tonight was too sweet for tears.
We lay there quietly for a few minutes, holding each other. Eventually my busy brain came back online, and I asked Jude a question that burned brightly in my mind. “How did you get hooked on drugs?”
He gave a snort. “Really? You want to go there right now?”
I gave his bulky chest a single kiss. “I want to understand.”
He grumbled. “Remember when I sprained my ankle at the end of junior year?”
“Sure.”
“They gave me painkillers at the E.R.”
I tried to rewind my memory that far. “But that healed up quickly. I thought you didn’t need those pills.”
“I didn’t. But I had them on my desk. And Gibby and Dex were like, ‘Let me show you what those are really for.’” Jude sighed again. “They taught me how to crush and snort prescription painkillers.”
Jesus. “That was it? Boom? Just like that?”
His voice was low and quiet. “Yes and no. When you first start, it’s just fun. That shit made me feel invincible. And one pill lasted a couple of days. But pretty soon your body adjusts, so I needed more. I started buying them. I told myself that it was no big deal.”
I gave him another little kiss to thank him for telling me. But he wasn’t done.
“That’s how it always goes. I’ve sat through a lot of meetings by now, and everybody’s story is pretty much the same. You think you have it under control. You’re still showing up all the places you’re supposed to show up. And nobody’s really noticed that you have to duck into the bathroom periodically to blow a line. And it’s easier to get through the day, because the things you’re afraid of don’t seem so bad when you’re high.”
