Page 25 of Goodbye Paradise
I stopped breathing.
His lips parted. Then he slowly leaned in, until his face was an inch from mine. His thumb still stroked my face. I was having an out of body experience, probably. Or dreaming. But it felt so real. And then…
My brain flickered out as his lips brushed mine. I heard a gasp, which had come from my own chest. And then Calebkissedme. His mouth slanted over mine, and the moistness of his lips was too real to be a dream. Too sweet to be a hallucination.
I moaned, leaning into the kiss. My whole life I’d wanted this impossible thing. And I didn’t know why it was happening now. But it was everything I’d ever wanted. One kiss led to another. And another! Without my permission, my shaking hands made their way onto the flannel covering Caleb’s chest. And I pressed my palms against those pecs that I’d been admiring since we were fifteen. His chest felt as broad and solid as I’d always known it would. Caleb groaned, and I felt the vibration under my wandering fingers.
Strong arms snaked around my waist, and Caleb pulled me closer. One of his hands wandered down my back, leaving tingles in its wake. That big palm ended its journey on my ass, where it gave me a squeeze.
I moaned again.More.More, more, more. That became my new chant.
Just when I didn’t think it could get any better, Caleb’s tongue swept into my mouth. That’s when all thought became impossible. There was just Caleb, and the sweet taste of his mouth, and the fire in my heart for this man. His whiskers scratched my face, made my lips raw. And Ilovedit. Every huff of breath. Every foreign sensation. He was in my arms, and I was never letting go.
Except then he gave a low, masculine growl and began to suck on my tongue. That sweet suction was overwhelming. It was so good. So, so good.Toogood. I felt my balls tighten in a dangerous way.
I yanked myself back. “Stop,” I gasped. I was panting like a farm dog after a good run through the brush.
Caleb froze. His arms released me immediately. He placed a single hand in the center of my chest. “I’m sorry, baby. That was too much. I’m sorry. It’s just… I…”
I’d never heard Caleb stammer before, and my lust-filled brain couldn’t really handle anymore talking right now. I put a hand up, sloppily, and covered his mouth. “Shh… it’s just. It’s…” I took a deep breath and tried to clear my head. “I don’t understand.”
With a sigh, he pulled me toward him again, but this time we landed in a hug. He put his chin on my shoulder. “I know. Didn’t mean to shock you. But… I know you’ve thought about this before.”
“You do?” I asked. Heknew?
His big palm began to rub sweet circles into my back. “Yeah. You’re not very good at hiding it.”
“I’m not?” I began to panic. Because hiding was essential. It could save my life.
“Not from me, you aren’t. You’re always staring at my ass when you think I’m not looking.”
“Not true,” I argued. I would argue this point until the day I died. Because it wasessentialto avoid being transparent.
He pulled back, tilting his head to the side, considering me with a look of amusement. “Really? I could swear you had my ass memorized.”
The look on his face was so soft that I wanted to put it in my pocket and keep it forever. “Not true. Sometimes,” I swallowed. “Sometimes I’m staring at your chest. Or your face.”
He grinned.
“But…” now that my heart rate had begun to decline back into the safe zone, I was actually more confused. “You never stare atme.” What did it all mean, anyway? I couldn’t wrap my head around anything that had just happened on this bunk. I’d just… revealed my true self. And for what?
“Josh, I only let people see what I want them to see,” he whispered.
“Lucky.”
He shook his head. “I haven’t been honest with anyone for years. I don’t feel so lucky.”
“So you…” I cleared my throat, because this wasn’t easy to say out loud. In fact, I’d never said it out loud, about anyone. “Like men?”
He put a hand on my chest again. “Yeah. Especially this one.”
The warmth of his hand was divine. But my head still rang with questions. “How do I not know this?” I’d just spent the last several years cowering from this secret.Miserableover it. And he knew?
He spread his fingers on my pecs, which felt mighty fine, even if I was still confused. “What was I supposed to say? If we’d talked about it, that would only make us sad. And doing anything about it would only have put us in danger. Youknowthat.”
He wasn’t wrong. But it was still difficult to process. “I thought you wanted Miriam.” My head was spinning. I had to reorganize my understanding of mywhole life, now. It didn’t seem possible.
He closed his eyes. “Don’t make me talk about her again.”
