Page 28 of Goodbye Paradise
I swiveled, too, until I was facing him. Caleb put an arm around me, pulling me part-way on his body, my head on his shoulder. I draped one leg over his muscular one. But I was careful to say clear of his crotch. “I’m, um, sorry that you’re still…” I could not finish that sentence aloud.
“Horny?” he chuckled. “I’ve been horny my whole life. What’s one more night? Or ten.”
“Are you…” I cleared my throat. “A virgin?” Some of the boys weren’t, even though they were supposed to be.
“Of course. You’re the only one I ever wanted to fuck.”
And my face was on fire again.
“Remember when we were young, and I asked you to stand guard while I jerked?”
“I’ll never forget it.”
“Yeah? Well I was hoping to make a habit of it. I wanted you to play along. I don’t know. I think I wanted to ease you into the idea that we could have sex. But I freaked you out, didn’t I? You looked like you’d seen the devil.”
I groaned into Caleb’s shoulder. “I was hard for a month afterwards. I used to save up paper napkins from dinner so I’d have something to wipe up all my messes.”
Caleb snorted. “I’m pretty sure every boy who ever slept in that bunkhouse did the same thing. It’s just that they were thinking about the daughters when they yanked it.”
My head was now filled with the image of a dozen bachelors lying on their bunks stroking their penises. Naturally, mine began to harden against Caleb’s hip.
He rubbed my back. “You want me,” he said simply. “It’s just that you don’twantto want me.”
“I’ve always wanted you. And I’ve always tried not to.”
“What if you stopped trying?” He pinched my ass for emphasis. “Never mind. We have forever to think about this. Right now, we should sleep.”
“I don’t know if I can.”
“Do you want me to move?”
“No,” I said immediately, tucking my ear against his chest. “Don’t move. Not ever.”
He kissed me on top of the head.
It took awhile. But eventually Caleb’s breathing became long and even. I lay there for hours, filled with wonder, having no idea what was supposed to happen next. Nothing had ever felt better than lying in Caleb’s arms.
My whole life I’d wished for things. But I’d never known how confusing it might be to see my wishes come true. And then there was the problem of our complete destitution…
“Caleb,” I whispered softly.
“Mmm?”
“What’s going to happen to us?”
“Dunno,” he mumbled. “’Cept we’re going to stay together while we figure it out. No matter what.”
“Okay,” I breathed.
“Sleep now,” he ordered.
So I did.
Seven
IWOKE UPBECAUSE Caleb rolled off the bed. At first, I thought he’d fallen. I shook off my sleep to peer over the edge to see if he was okay.
But he was already struggling into his jeans down there, and that was when I heard the sound of the truck’s door levering open. “Morning,” Washington’s voice called out.
