Page 40 of Goodbye Paradise
“Not in Maggie’s house,” he whispered. “They could hear.”
“Hear a kiss?” I’d pressed.
But he didn’t answer. He just turned his back to me.
This bothered me. A lot.
I didn’t ask again, even though I wanted to. If that’s how he needed things to be, I wasn’t going to force the issue. So I stayed on my own pillow when we turned out the lights.
In the middle of the night, though, I would sometimes wake up to find Josh curled up to me, his long leg thrown over mine, his arm across my waist. I could bury my nose in his hair, and hold him. A sleeping Josh was an affectionate Josh. Since it was all I got from him, it would have to do for now.
But when morning came, I always woke up alone. And he did his level best not to undress me with his eyes anymore. (I never should have told him that I’d noticed.)
What kept me sane during these early days was my belief that our stay at Maggie and Daniel’s was temporary. I knew I was employable as a mechanic. All I needed was a job — any job — and then we could make our way forward.
But finding work proved tricky. Since the Runaway Farm was in a rural area, that meant a twenty minute drive to the nearest grocery, and a thirty minute drive to any of a few different automotive shops. And I didn’t have a vehicle. So if I wanted to go anywhere, I had to borrow the truck, or Maggie’s little Prius.
Then, when I managed to find the garage in question, they were always busy. “Come back in the early afternoon sometime,” I was told by one shop. “Come back on a Thursday,” another suggested.
Yet with Maggie expecting her baby soon, it was a busy time. She took us clothes shopping. Maggie put our new things on her credit card, which I hated.
“You can’t get a job without clothes,” she argued. “It isn’t all that much money.”
But that simply wasn’t true. Every day that I couldn’t work we were living off their cash. We ate their food, wore clothes they’d bought, and washed them with Maggie’s supply of laundry soap. I felt as though I was digging a deep hole, with no way to fill it.
Josh seemed calmer than I felt. He milked cows, and he helped Maggie paint an old rocking chair she’d bought for the baby’s room.
From late morning to early evening, Daniel worked by himself. “He’s trying to finish a bunch of pieces before the baby comes,” Maggie told us. “Because it’s going to be hectic around here.”
I asked Daniel if there was anything I could help him with in the shop, but he usually turned me down, unless there was sanding to do. “I would love to train you for more. But I’m on such a tear right now that I can’t even stop to do that. Maybe after the baby comes.”
Though I hoped I’d have a paying job by then. One garage I visited had asked me to fill out an application. So now I couldn’t stop listening for the phone to ring, and it made me feel edgy.
Meanwhile, Maggie was making plans for childbirth. “I’m not going to do this at home, like the women at the Compound. When the baby comes, I’ll be away for two nights, at the hospital in North Adams,” Maggie told us.
We’d already noticed the doctor’s phone number on the refrigerator. The big note tacked up there read, IN CASE OF EMERGENCY: MAGGIE’S DOCTOR, with a phone number.
“… And Daniel’s parents will fly out at some point. So you’ll meet them.”
“We can sleep on the couch,” I said quickly.
Maggie shook her head. “See, you’re not sleeping in theguestroom. That’syourroom. His parents can stay at the Bed and Breakfast in town.”
“But…” Josh tried.
“No,” she said with some force. “You’re not listening. I made that room for a reason. I had a really shitty time after I ran away from the Compound.”
I realized with some horror that there were tears glittering in her eyes as she told us this.
“…If there had been somewhere safe for me to go, it would have made all the difference. That’s why I asked Daniel to build that bed brand new. It isn’t a cast-off. And that’s why I sewed the quilt, and the curtains.”
I hadn’t even noticed the curtains, and now I felt like a jerk.
“I didn’t know who I was making them for, but that person wasyou. Andyou,” she added, touching Josh on the elbow.
“We’re happy to be here,” Josh whispered.
She smiled through her tears. “Good. Now let’s go to the grocery store and buy one of everything. When this baby shows up, we need to be stocked.”
