Page 5 of Goodbye Paradise
Caleb.
Even in the darkness, I could see his large form in bed across the room that we shared with two others. He lay on his back, hands clasped behind his head.
Strong and confident, even in his sleep.
There were snores coming from Ezekiel’s and David’s corners of the room, My head did not ache so much now, but I felt hot and irritable. To ease myself, I focused on Caleb’s silent form. His shoulders were wide, taking up a goodly portion of the narrow bed. His legs were long and solid under the quilt.
I wished I could spread my body out on top of his, sinking into all that muscle. I wanted to bury my face in the hollow between his shoulder and neck, breathing in his cottony clean scent.
I wanted so, so many things that I would never have.
My cock began to feel full between my legs.
Lying there, I squeezed my ass together a few times. It had been such an awful, scary day. I deserved a little comfort, didn’t I? Unbidden, my hand slipped beneath the waistband of my boxers. Touching myself was risky. It was a sin, of course, although surely everyone did it sometimes. Even Caleb.
In fact, once when we were sixteen, he asked me to stand guard. We were out by the cow shed, sitting on the hay bales in between jobs. “Can I ask a favor?”
“Sure?”
“I need five minutes alone. Would you stand at the fencepost and wait for me? If somebody comes, just talk to them, and I’ll know to cover up.”
“Okay,” I’d said, “but why?”
He’d rolled his eyes at me. “I have to jerk. It’s a desperate situation. You can take a turn after I do.”
“Oh.”
Oh.
Donotlook at his dick, I’d ordered myself, scandalized.Do not. I’d marched away immediately, where it was safe. Then I’d stood at that fence post like a sentry, ready to holler at the first sign of anyone.
But not a soul had wandered by. And all the while my ears were peeled, desperately hopeful that I’d hear him come. And I did, though it was just a quick gasp, over practically before it began.
“Your turn?” he asked me about two minutes later.
“Nope, I’m good,” I stammered, my face the color of a tomato.
“Suit yourself. But if I were you, I’d stay out of the tall grass back there for a day or so.” He’d laughed at this joke, and so I did too.
That was the extent of my sexual experience—watching my step-father plow a teenage wife and listening to my best friend jerk.
And touching myself, of course, which I was doing now. I closed my eyes and ran my hand slowly up and down my shaft. When I did this, I made it a point never to stare at my best friend. He wouldn’t like being the center of my sexual fantasies. And it wasn’t his fault that I was a pervert.
But who was I kidding? The faceless bodies in my dreams all matched his. And it was his full lips that I so badly wanted to kiss…
I clamped my mouth shut, to avoid making noise. And I sank into my mattress, silently coaxing my body toward climax. I pictured Caleb smiling at me. And I heard him whisper my name…
“Joshua!”
My hand went stock still. Because that whisper was not part of my imagination.
I opened my eyes to see Caleb moving through the shadows. He tiptoed silently to my bed, sitting down on the edge. In the dark, I could see his blue eyes roll at me.Stop it, he mouthed.
Then, as my heart shimmied with surprise, he put an elbow down on my pillow and leaned down, his lips skimming my ear.
My entire brain short-circuited. And then I realized that he was just trying to talk to me in the only way possible at this hour.
“Move over,” he whispered directly into my ear.
