Page 58 of Goodbye Paradise
“True.” I rubbed Josh’s stomach sleepily. The feel of his taut body in my arms could make me horny in a hot second, if I let it. But we didn’t fool around when other people were home. Ever. “Goodnight, baby.”
He answered me with a tiny snore.
Part Three
The Gospel According to Josh
Fifteen
IWOKE UPIN Caleb’s arms. After getting dressed, I stumbled to the kitchen alone. It was time for milking, but the house was quiet. The only sound I heard were little infant noises, coming from the portable baby monitor which had been abandoned on the counter.
Chloe was the first one awake.
The little sounds she made were one of my favorite things about her. Everything I knew about babies I’d learned in the past three weeks. But I found that I was drawn to Chloe’s utter lack of self-consciousness. Chloe never thought twice before voicing her opinion. She never worried what we thought of her.
I envied her.
There were a couple of baby bottles discarded in the sink — the night’s work of a sleep-deprived Daniel. Outside, the cows needed my attention. But upstairs, Chloe was going to burst into screams if someone didn’t feed her fairly soon.
So I made a bottle, heating it in the microwave, then swirling the liquid around to even out the temperature. I tested it on my wrist just as Maggie had shown me a week ago.
Climbing the stairs, I could hear Chloe’s breathy little sounds getting louder. They’d shifted from mere observations to complaints. But I made the deadline—she wasn’t wailing yet. And when I leaned over her crib, her blue eyes opened wide, and her short arms began to windmill with excitement.
I loved that greeting. Nobody had ever been so happy to see me.
Scooping her up, I moved her to the changing table. It only took a minute to swap the wet diaper for a dry one. Then I snapped her back up and sat down in the rocker. Another thing I’d learned was that a hungry baby always attacked the bottle like she hasn’t eaten for weeks. She sort of grabbed it in her jaw and shook it, before settling in to gulp at the nipple. It was fun to watch. She had so much life force already. So muchwill.
The milk disappeared at a steady clip, with the last couple of ounces going slowly, as Chloe sucked more lazily. When it was empty, I burped her, rocking us both in the chair. There was still nothing but silence coming from Daniel’s bedroom. So I took Chloe with me downstairs.
Luckily, I found the baby carrier hanging from a hook in the mudroom. I put Chloe into it, facing my chest. Then I put my canvas work coat over that, partially zipping it around Chloe’s back. The last thing I did was add a little hat for her fuzzy head.
It was December. Was it warm enough in the barn for a baby? It would have to be.
We went out into the barn, where the girls were eager to see me. The cows nudged each other to try to be first in line. All I had to do was wave Lady over to the milking stand. Holding Chloe’s head with my palm, I crouched down to do a one-handed cleanse of the teat.
Chloe complained just a little bit when I jostled us both to hook up the milk line, but I apologized and began to sing to her. While the fresh milk ran through the milking tubes, Chloe looked up at me with big eyes.
We milked three cows before Daniel stumbled into the barn, sleep in his eyes. “Oh my God,” he said. “I’m so groggy.”
I laughed, because he really was. “Didn’t mean to scare you, sneaking off with the baby.”
He just shook his bed-messy head. “I knew who she’d be with. Just didn’t know where. I woke up Caleb, looking for you.”
“Yeah,” I chuckled, nudging Clover’s flank. “He’s still finishing up his beauty sleep right around now.”
“Let me…” Daniel said, stepping in to take over the milking. “You can take her inside, or whatever. I got this.”
“All right. But I don’t think she’s too cold.”
Daniel sighed. “It’s not about that. But you’re doing all the work right now, okay? I feel like a heel.”
“Hey, I just got eight hours of sleep. I’m doing great. There’s two bottles in the sink, which means you woke up at least twice.”
“She woke me three times to eat, but at least she went back to sleep right away.” Daniel unhooked Clover from the pump. “Nobody tells you it will be like this. And I wouldn’t even mind, if Maggie was doing better.”
“She will be,” I said quickly.
“God, I hope so,” he whispered.
