Page 69 of Goodbye Paradise
Later, I would wonder why we did not jump away from each other. Maybe because it was already too late. Or maybe because the kiss was justthatgood.
For whatever reason, at the sound of Daniel’s voice, Caleb did not let me go. Our kiss broke off gently, almost reverently. Strong arms remained wrapped around me. And I felt my body go absolutely quiet.
“Sorry,” Daniel sputtered. “Shit. I always warn you.Always. But I just… forgot.” He paused to take a deep breath.
“Warnus?” Caleb’s eyes were only inches from mine, so I saw them widen. “My God, hedoes.”
As I stood there, retreating into shock, I realized Caleb was right. So many times, I’d heard Daniel call out, “hey, guys!” as he walked into the house, or down the stairs.
Why did he do that?I was slow to realize what it might mean. Because I just didn’t trust it. Danielknew?
“Look,” he said quietly. “I could just walk out of here again, and keep on pretending that I don’t know how things are with you two. But it’s getting kind of old.”
At that point, my heart stuttered. The rational response — fear — was just kicking in. And even though it made me look even guiltier, I ducked my head, burying my face in Caleb’s shirt, where I felt safe.
Caleb put a hand to the back of my neck and cleared his throat. “How long have you…”
“Eh,” Daniel said. He sounded winded, like he’d just run from the house. “It’s not important. But you should probably know that every time you search for something on Google, that search term stays in there. Unless you clear it out.”
I felt Caleb’s chest contract with a bark of sudden laughter. “Oh, my fucking god.”
“Yeah,” Daniel said, his voice full of restrained humor. “Google thinks I’m interested in Star Wars, used carburetors, and anal sex.”
My groan was muffled by Caleb’s shirt. “Does Maggie know?”
Daniel hesitated. “I don’t think so. I never asked her.”
I heaved a sigh of relief. Until I realized that it was weird that Daniel had never discussed this with his wife. He must think that Maggie wouldn’t be okay with it.
“Listen,” Daniel prompted. “We definitely need to finish this discussion. But there’s some news that can’t wait. Are you ready for this? Miriam called.”
Both our heads whipped toward Daniel. “What?”
“Yeah,” he grinned. “She’s at a hospital in Casper. But she’s fine, okay? She’s going to be fine. And we’re going to bring her here.”
“Oh my God,” Caleb said. “Why the hospital?”
“She has a black eye, apparently. The police brought her there when they found her walking on the road in the middle of the night. I guess it’s pretty cold there right now, and she didn’t have a coat. So they brought her to the hospital, and she said, ‘I want to call my sister.’”
“That’s…” Caleb swallowed. “I’m so glad she called.”
“Yeah. Maggie is over the moon. In fact, she’s going to wonder why we’re still standing here. I ran out here to get you.”
Caleb took a step back from me, but he put both his hands under my jaw. “Try not to freak out, okay?”
“Okay,” I whispered. But Iwasfreaked out. My life wasunraveling. I could feel the end of my happiness approaching. And that terrified me.
“I’m going to go and talk to Maggie,” Caleb said. “You take a minute if you need it.”
“Okay.”
The two of them went out the door, leaving me alone. I stumbled into our mostly-finished bathroom and turned on the shower. I couldn’t go into the house until I washed Caleb off of me. So I stripped and quickly scrubbed myself down.
My guilt wasn’t easy to rinse off as cum and soap.
I dried myself on a hand towel and stepped into the jeans I’d dropped in a corner that morning when I put on my painting clothes.
But even then, I didn’t feel ready. So I sat down in the middle of the room and admired our work. It was starting to look like someone’s home, now. And I’d hoped it would bemyhome. It was selfish, really. Lying to Maggie just so that she’d love me.
