Page 81 of Goodbye Paradise
And if I was traded in for Miriam? The hundred yards between the house and the apartment weren’t going to be enough distance. Not even close. So I would have to make some big changes.
Staying here to watch Caleb and Miriam become a family was not something I could stomach.
And — holy God — I used to lie in my twin bunk in Paradise and think theseexact same thoughts. It was the freakiest damn thing. A year had passed. One glorious year. And here I was trying to imagine a future for myself without Caleb.Again.
Therehadto be somewhere else I could go. Babysitting for another family, maybe. Or carrying appetizers for another catering company. Maybe Trey would have some ideas for me.
Why did he pop into my head?Right. Because I had no friends that did not live on this property, or work for C & M Catering.
My mind spun in twisted circles. Everything I thought I’d known about my life was suddenly up for grabs.
“Bosh?”
I sat up fast. I’d never been so happy to see Chloe, and to think of someone else’s troubles for a change. “Hi, sweetie.” I got up off the bed and stood over the crib. She lifted her chubby arms up, waiting to be held.
She was heavy against my chest, and sweet-smelling.
I felt the sting of tears threaten once more, but I blinked them back. “Let’s get you a fresh diaper, and then a bottle.”
“Baba,” she agreed.
Caleb was not in the house when I went downstairs, which was a blessing. And when Maggie and Miriam came home a little later, they were brimming over with happiness. Miriam had a strip of sonogram pictures of her baby, which the doctor had decided was healthy and on track for a late December birth.
“It’s a girl!” Miriam said. “The doctor is fairly sure.”
“We have so many girl clothes, too!” Maggie gushed. “I’m glad I saved everything.”
Nobody noticed that I was practically mute, luckily.
I made hamburger patties while Maggie played with Chloe. My hands were still covered in goo when I heard the mudroom door open and shut again.
I braced myself to see Caleb’s face, but it was only Daniel who came into the kitchen. And when he saw me, he frowned. “What the fuck?” he whispered.
As if I had an answer.
“What the ever-loving fuck?” Daniel pointed outside, toward the apartment. “Did you tell him he’s insane?”
I hadn’t, actually. So I shook my head.
Daniel kept his voice low, but his anger on my behalf was obvious. “Seriously?” he hissed. “Youhave to open up a big can of righteous indignation. Because that’s a huge mistake that he cannot easily undo.”
Blowing out a breath, I realized that Daniel spoke the truth. Caleb had stood right in this kitchen and dealt me a blow. And what had I done? Run from the room.
Sure, I’d been shocked. But I realized now that my initial reaction wasn’t good enough. Ducking conflict was something I’d done at the Compound, because my survival depended on it.
But it didn’t anymore.
“Josh? Daniel?” Maggie came into the room. “Have you seen Caleb?”
Daniel just stared at me. I stuck my hands under the sink and started washing them off. “Actually, Maggie, I’m going to go find him. He and I need to talk.”
Her eyes widened. “Okay. Aren’t we having dinner in a half hour?”
“I don’t know,” I said truthfully. “I can’t worry about that right now. I’m sorry.”
At that, I walked out of the room.
Caleb wasn’tdifficult to find. He was in the apartment, sitting on the bed. My side of the bed.
