Page 82 of Goodbye Paradise
I’d marched up the stairs like a warrior. But seeing him there, head in his hands, it took a little of the fight out of me. “Caleb.”
He didn’t look up.
“Caleb, you need to listen to me.”
Still, nothing.
With my heart pounding, I walked over and grabbed his chin in my hand, yanking his head up to look into my eyes. “You do not get to ignore me. Not now.”
“Josh…” He hesitated. And I waited, because I was a polite person to the core, whether that was logical or not. “I’m sorry,” he continued, “but there’s no more to say.”
My slap rang out a second later, and I could barely believe I’d done it. But my hand was stinging, and there was a bright red mark on Caleb’s cheek. And so much shock on his face.
“You are a coward,” I spat.
“Whatdid you say?” His voice sounded dangerously angry.
In my whole life, I’d never been afraid of Caleb. And the tremor I felt now was definitely fear. But I was more afraid of myself at that moment than I was of him. In spite of the fact that he looked murderously angry, and I’d just hit him in the face. “You might as well run back to Wyoming and join up again,” I told him.
His face reddened, and a vein bulged in his forehead. “That’s bullshit, Josh. I’m just trying to take responsibility for once.”
“That’sbullshit,” I threw back. “You made a promise to me. But now you’re panicking. Because you made a choice and a couple of the details got messy.”
He jumped up off the bed, and we were suddenly nose to nose. “Messy?Messy?Broken dishes are messy, Josh. Miriam was given to a man whobeat her.”
My heart squeezed with misery. “I can see that. But she’s here now. And you didn’t hurt her.”
“Yeah I did. Iletthat shit happen. That’s my fault. And now I’ve only got one way to make it up to her.”
At that point, my vision wasred. I’d never felt so much stress in my body as I did at that moment. My fingertips began to tingle, and I could hear my pulse in my head. Because you can’t throw one person overboard to save the other one. And I could either take this lying down, or argue against the welfare of a pregnant teenager.
It was an impossible situation. And Caleb was the one who put me there.
Yet, if I was ever going to speak up, this was my only chance. Before things got even more twisted.
“You arenotdoing the right thing,” I spat. “It’s terrible what happened to Miriam. But marrying her isn’t going to undo it.”
“It will ease the burden,” he said, his chest rising and falling as if he’d just run a marathon. “It’s all I can do for her, so I’lldoit.”
“In other words,” my voice was somehow almost level, even though I was dying inside, “you’d wreck me so that you cannot quitesave her? Does that sound like a solid plan?”
“You won’t bewrecked,” Caleb sighed. “You’ll just hate me for a while.”
“Not true,” I whispered. “Because when I said I love you, I meant it. And I would do anything to make you happy. And if you throw that away, I will not get over it.”
The hard lines in his expression finally softened, if only a little. “Yeah, you will.”
I shook my head. “No, I really won’t, and I’ll be homeless too. If you marry her, I’m going to leave here. Because Iwill not watch.” I whirled around, as if to walk away, but stopped short. Turning again, I squared my shoulders. “Okay. Since you’re so smart, I have an even better idea.I’llmarry Miriam.”
“What?” his face was pale now.
“Sure!” I said, sounding manic. But honestly, I was onto something. If Caleb wanted to understand what this scenario really meant, I was going to show him. “I’llmarry her. Because, what’s the difference, right?Anytwo people who don’t love each other can sleep together every night.” I snapped my fingers. “Let’s not forget thatI’mthe one who’s good with babies. And this way, if one of us has to be homeless, it can beyou. In fact, I’m betting that you’ll feel very selfless and useful when you bed down in that car you just bought, but didn’t bother to show me first.”
His mouth opened and closed like a fish in a bowl.
My crazy brain just kept offering up more details. “Before you go, though, I think you should attend our wedding. No—you should beinthe wedding. You can stand up there and smile while I promise to love and cherish someone else. But that won’t bother you too much, obviously. Since it’s really no big deal! And I think Miriam and I should live here in the apartment, where there’s a little more space. Andprivacy. So that when we get around to consummating the marriage, nobody will hear us.Youcan keep the bedroom in the house. I’ll help you move your things back in. Let’s do that now.”
I was on such a roll. Turning around, I found the dresser that I’d refinished. It wasn’t fancy, it was just something Maggie and I had found at the second-hand store in town. I ripped open the top drawer and took out Caleb’s shirts, tossing them on the bed. “Here you go. And the underwear…” I opened the next drawer down and tossed those onto the pile. Then his jeans.
