Page 91 of Goodbye Paradise
My stomach contracted with a huff of laughter. “I like you sassy,” I chuckled. “Seriously.”
He sighed. “You didn’t answer the question.”
“It’s a start. Besides, you always make it look like fun. Ilovetaking you. But I would like to try being taken.”
Again with the thoughtful silence. “I always assumed you wouldn’t want to… submit to me.”
Submit. It wasn’t a bad word for what I wanted to do. “It’s true that I have trouble giving up control. But it isn’t about equality.”
Josh grunted. “You don’t think of me as your equal.”
“That isnottrue,” I said immediately. “And I hate that you think so. At the Compound, I got the good jobs and the driver’s license. But none of it made me feel superior, because I could see how shallow it all was. But that shit followed us here, too. I’m the one with the job, and with friends that don’t live here on this twenty acre lot. But you can have all that, too. You’re almost there. It’ll only take a little longer.” I pushed my fingers into his beautiful hair and rubbed his head. “What we do in bed isn’t related to any of that crap in our past. I just hope you know that.”
“Sometimes I hate being the one who stays at home and waits for you. And some days I think it’s the best scam ever.”
I ruffled his hair. “How do you feel about always being the bottom?”
“Mmm,” he said. “I get all boned up just thinking about it. But fucking you would be really hot. Mostly because I want you to know how it feels.”
I was pretty boned up myself at that point. “Howdoesit feel?” I dropped a hand to my hard dick and squeezed. “Does it hurt?”
Josh shook his head against my chest. “Only that first time, when we didn’t know what we were doing.”
“You didn’t know,” I corrected him. “I’d searched it six ways ’til Sunday already. Apparently I gave Daniel’s computer a gay hard-on.”
Josh smiled against my ribcage. “Fine. If you go too fast before you’re opened up, it’s going to burn. And there’s always this moment at the beginning when it just feels awkward. But if you get through that, and there’s a nice, thick dick hitting your spot over and over again…” He shifted his body against mine, and I could sense his arousal. “…There’s nothing like it. And when you finally come, it’s spectacular.”
I let out a hot breath. “Please fuck me, Josh. Please?”
He moaned, and I loved the sound. “Right now?”
“You got a bus to catch?”
I’d meant it as a light joke, of course. But as soon as I said those words, I felt last night’s troubles creep back in under the door.
Josh pulled himself up into a crouch, looking down at me on the pillow. “If youevertry to tell me again that marrying a woman is going to solve anyone’s problems, Iwillcatch a bus.”
Jesus. That was the last thing I wanted. Reaching up, I tugged his face down near mine. “I know. I’m sorry. Temporary insanity.”
He quirked an eyebrow.
“That’s what my drunk friends told me to say.”
He smiled all of a sudden. “Do I get to meet them sometime? When you’re not all wasted?”
I craned my neck and kissed him. “Absolutely. Now get down here and loosen me up. Make me a member of the club, already.”
“Jeez,” his cheeks pinked up. “Roll over.” He scrambled to the side of the bed to get the lube that he must have put in there when we moved in. We’d spent two nights in this bed already, with no action.
Nice, Caleb.Way to ruin everything.
“Ass in the air,” Josh ordered. His voice was bossier than I’d ever heard it. I knew he was still mad at me, which gave this morning’s decision to bottom some interesting timing. That was the point, though. Josh would never hurt me, no matter how mad he was. I knew I couldn’t take back the awful thing I’d done yesterday. This was the only way I could think of to hand myself over to him in a way that felt real.
Leaving my forehead on the bed, I lifted my naked ass in the air, as he’d asked me to. It wasn’t the sexiest position, either. “I feel so exposed,” I said.
A beat went by before he replied. “Itisso exposed,” he said quietly. “There’s no getting around it. You have to trust the one you’re exposing yourself to.”
Of course. Josh gave me that trust all the time. Now I knew I’d never be careless with it again.
