Page 21 of Pipe Dreams
His little girl’s room was straight ahead, and he opened the door without knocking. Elsa sat cross-legged on the bed, a stuffed raccoon in her lap, her bony knees jutting out.Too thin, his subconscious prodded. And when he got a look at her face, his heart squeezed. She was awfully pale, with circles under her eyes.
His anger died as quickly as ashes dampened in the rain. “Elsa?” he asked softly. “Sweetie? Are you sick?”
She looked up at him as if he’d said something completely idiotic. “Not me.Mom.”
“Well, I know about that.” He sat on the bed. Shelly was in the middle of her second chemotherapy regime. Her cancer hadn’t responded to the first one.
“She throws up all the time,” Elsa said in a quavering voice.
“That sucks,” he said softly. “You and me can go and have some pizza, and give your mom a few hours to nap.”
Elsa shook her head. “I don’t want any pizza.”
“But we’re going to play the claw,” he tried, bringing out the big guns. “Maybe today’s our lucky day.”
As he watched, her blue eyes slowly filled up with tears. “It never works, Daddy. You know that. We’llneverwin.”
That was the precise moment he realized things were far worse than he thought. He pulled Elsa into his lap and she hugged him like he was a life preserver in the middle of the Atlantic. “You won’t come out with me today?” he asked softly.
She shook her head. “I don’t want to leave Mom alone.”
“Maybe Tad is coming over to keep her company.”
“Tad bailed,” she said.
“He... what?”
“He left and he’s not coming back.”
Fuck. “Is Mom sad about that?” he asked, hoping the answer was no.
“She cried and cried. I could hear her when I was trying to fall asleep.”
Mike closed his eyes against a sudden burning sensation. He hated this for Elsa. All this fear. “You know, things are kind of rough right now. I sure am sorry about that. But I don’t think Mom wants you to hide in your room feeling sad. You can still have pizza with your dad. And maybe ice cream.”
“Pancakes,” she said. “I want you to make pancakes.”
“Okay!” he said, leaping at this idea. Anything to get Elsa feeling better. He wondered if he had any pancake mix left from the last time she stayed over with him. They could swing by the store... He stood up, lifting her against his chest as if she was still a preschooler. “Let’s go fire up Daddy’s giant stove.” He’d have to warn Lauren that they were on their way.
“No. You have to make pancakeshere.” Her blue eyes begged.
“Here? Mom might not like that.”I won’t either.
“She doesn’t eat anymore. Ever. But if you make pancakes she’ll eat. I just know it.”
His heart sank all the way to the floor. “That’s why you want pancakes?”
She nodded. “It will totally work.”
“Um...” He set Elsa down on her feet. “You go look for pancake mix in the kitchen, okay? I’m going to talk to your mom.”
•••
He didn’t get to dine with Lauren that night.
Pancakes and bacon were made and consumed. Shelly choked down a pancake with obvious difficulty. But she did it for Elsa.
Then she quickly opened a kitchen window, and cold air filled the kitchen. She and Elsa pulled on sweaters which were already stashed on the backs of their dining chairs.
