Page 68 of Hello Forever
“Jared.” I tapped again. Then I tried the knob and the dooropened.
My brother was lying on his bed, earbuds in, staring at the ceiling. His gaze jerked toward me, and I braced myself to see disgust onhisface.
There wasn’t any, though. I saw only the teenage reluctance I was used to seeing. He took theearbudsout.
I closed the door behind me and sat on his neglected desk chair. “I just want to say a couple ofthings.”
He nodded and sat up. For Jared, that was practically rolling out the rugforme.
“I know I never said anything before, but I’ve always been gay.” He flinched a little, but I soldiered on. “You’re probably shocked, but try to remember that I’m still the same guy you always call when you have a problem. I’m the same guy who shoots hoops with you in thedriveway.”
“I know,” he said, his voicerough.
He did?I waited to see where that went. Unfortunately, he didn’t say another word. “Look, Dad never had any nice things to say about gay men. Or blackmen.Or…”
“Iknowthat,” Jared argued. “That’s not me, though, okay? I’m notlikethat.”
Studying him, I tried to decide what that meant. If he was trying to tell me that he was okay with it, I wasn’t sure I believed him. He didn’t look okay. At the risk of getting my head snapped off, I asked, “Then what’s with thelongface?”
Jared rolled his eyes. “I miss Amy, okay? I hoped she’dbeback.”
“Oh,” I said slowly. “The thing is…” I cleared my throat. “Amy and I weren’t really together. She has a boyfriend—a nice guy she metatwork.”
Jaredwinced. “Shit.”
“Yeah. But she hasn’t, like, left the country or anything. I could have her over for dinner this week.” The truth was that I hadn’t told her any of my recent troubles. I’d been trying to give her space. She’d covered my ass for so long that I hadn’t wanted to drag her down into the latestdisasters.
“I suppose,” Jared said with a sigh. “But it won’t be the same. She is…” He swallowed. “She was, like…” Helookedaway.
And all of a sudden I understood what he could not possibly say out loud, and it was just as sad as everything else that had happened this month. “It’s that she mothered us a little, didn’t she? Meincluded.”
Jared’s eyes snapped to mine, but he didn’t dare agree with me, because he couldn’t give a voice to an achethatbig.
Of all of us, I’d had the most time with our mother. Jared had been twelve when she’d died—about Scotty’s age now. And Scotty had been inkindergarten.
After she’d died, I’d learned to live with that heartache. But I hadn’t realized how my brothers couldn’t really do that. Lately, I’d been so wrapped up in my father’s shortcomings that I hadn’t stopped to wonder what motherlessness was like forJared.
My eyes filled unexpectedly. There were so many gaps in my brothers’ lives, and I was never going to be able to fillthemall.
Jared turned his chin away, but not quickly enough for me to miss the single tear that rolled down his face. I had a decision to make. Hug him, or not? Usually, he’d rather die than receive my affection. But, Goddamn it, maybe this wasn’t one of thosetimes.
Icompromised.
Crossing the room in three paces, I sat down on the bed beside him. I put both hands on the back of his shoulders and squeezed. “I’m sorry about Amy. But it wasn’t real between us,” I whispered. “I don’t have it in me, and sheknewthat.”
He dropped his head, but leaned back a fraction of an inch into mytouch.
I massaged his skinny shoulders and sighed. “Would you do me a favor? Amy is, like, two weeks out of date on all the crazy stuff happening around here. Would you mind calling her and getting her up to speed? I should do it myself, but I’m kind ofembarrassed.”
He turned his head to look at me. “Really?”
“Yeah. She’s going to kill me when she hears all the crap we’ve been through, and the fact that we didn’t ask herforhelp.”
One corner of Jared’s mouth twitched. That was as much enthusiasm as I’d seen from him in a year. “Where’s yourphone?”
* * *
Ileft Jared aloneto call Amy. Since Axel and Scotty were deep into their movie, I went into the kitchen to clean up. Depending on what she had planned for today, I expected to be Amy-bombed either five minutes from now or whenever her scheduleallowed.
