Page 63 of Hello Forever
“Oh baby, I’m sorry. You don’tneedthat.”
I shook my head. “Don’t be sorry. He only made himself look crazier. My lawyer is fast-tracking my petition for full custody. We don’t know what kind of sentence he’s going to receive for hurting you. So I have to beready.”
“God damn.” Axel took a deep breath and blew it out. “Your life is blowing up all over theplace.”
“Yes and no.” I kissed his hand again. What I really wanted was to climb in bed with him and hold him tight. And I’d do that if I could be sure I wouldn’t hurt him. “I always wanted to take care of my brothers. I think I’m going to get that chance. And as long as you’re okay, then nothing elsematters.”
Axel regarded me sleepily. “I’m okay.” His eyes flutteredclosed.
“Ax? I’m going to have to go home soon. I’m sorry. But I’ll come back tomorrow when Scotty is atschool.”
“Okay,” hemumbled.
“I love you,” I whispered to the sleeping man in the bed. Tomorrow he’d probably think things over and realize that the almost-boyfriend who almost got him killed was now a parent to three kids. And he’d realize that I wasn’t ever going to live the fun lifestyle that a young, gay man shouldenjoy.
That kind of life just wasn’t in the cardsforme.
But as long as Axel recovered, I was going to be okay. When he moved on to someone with less baggage, my heart would break. But I would survive. I’dhaveto.
ChapterTwenty-Two
Axel
After I gotout of the hospital, my mother and I spent several days cooped up in my little apartment. Mostly I lay around watching TV and popping aspirin. Once, Mom and I went downstairs to Josh and Caleb’s for dinner. But I’m ashamed to say that a couple hours sitting up and being social tiredmeout.
A couple of times I talked to Cax on the phone for a few minutes. The last time, I’d timed it badly, catching him when he was trying to fix a meal for his brothers. “I really need some cooking lessons,” he whispered into the phone. “I’m making entire meals out of stuff from the frozen foodsaisle.”
I stopped short of offering to come over and help, because I was afraid he’d refuse. Cax had some major family issues to work through. I could only imagine what The Month Dad Went to Jail was like for Scotty and his olderbrothers.
Also, I was pretty sure Cax hadn’t told themaboutme.
The following week I started feeling a lot better. “You need to get home,” I told mymother.
“I know,” she said with a sigh. Mom was a high school teacher, and she’d already taken an unholy number of personal days. “Do you want to comewithme?”
“No,” I said immediately. But then I took a second to think about it. I wasn’t expected back at work for another week or two, depending on how I was healing up. And Cax and I had reverted to email as our primary means of communication. With his brothers’ needs and my lack of privacy, there just wasn’t time or opportunity to talk on the phone, let alone see eachother.
But in the end, I decided to stay on inMassachusetts.
Mom finally left after making me promise to call her every day. “Iwill.God.”
She kissed me for the hundredth time and finally got into a cab to theairport.
That afternoon, Josh and Caleb dropped by. “You could come with us tonight for dinner at Maggie and Dylan’s,” Caleboffered.
“Maggie is a caterer. The food always rocks.” Joshwinked.
But I wasn’t feeling it. I was lonely and in a funk and I preferred to sulk by myself. “Thanks, but I’m going to bedearly.”
The next few days were cold and dreary. I watched too much television and ate a lot of homemade soup that my mother had cooked and frozen beforeshe’dleft.
Twice each day—like clockwork—someone stopped by to visit me. I was positive they’d scheduled it that way. Josh was always one of my visitors. Sometimes Boz came by, and once my boss Arnie brought me a meal of fast-food chicken. That was nice and all, but ImissedCax.
Even Jason came to visit me. He brought take-out cheeseburgers from Bruisers and a six pack. “I heard you were going to miss a couple of intramural basketball games,” he said. “So I brought the bartoyou.”
“That is really, really nice of you,” I said,touched.
“Well…” He grinned at me. “When I asked you out, you said you were hung up on someone. I guess I can work out who thatisnow.”
