Page 18 of Man Hands
Then I cross my arms over my new, improved chest, still unwilling to be conned. But secretly (secretly!) I’ve been pining too. Maybe. Or maybe it was closer to obsessing, but I’ve really been trying not to be creepy. “I thought you told me that if I was attracted to a guy it was a red flag and I shouldstayaway.”
“I did say that,” Sadie admits. “But this is not someone you would normally be attracted to. This is the exception that provestherule.”
Damn it. “I don’t know,” I hedge. “You told me to fuck someone, and I did. But if I walk in there right now, that’sdating. That wasn’t part oftheplan.”
Ash looks at me like I have something weird sprouting from my forehead. “Are youblind?This sort of man doesn’t come around very often. Did you see his muscles? Did you not say that was the most amazing moment of your life? Did you not make Sadie and I mad withjealousy?”
“I was a little jealous,” Sadie admitted. “The only sexual adventures Decker and I have had is we once had sex in the spare bedroom. On top of the duvet.” There’s a pause here because what do you say to that? I’msorry?
“Okay. Right. So. Maybe it’s just…just…just…” I really can’t finish that sentence. I’m not actively trying to be annoying. But I’m feeling cornered. I try to wiggle the truth free. “I just don’t know if I’mready.”
It’s the closest to the truth I can get. I really don’t know if I’ll ever be ready. I don’t know if I’m ready to put myself out there again and risk not being attractive enough, or funny enough, or hot enough, or just plainenoughenough.
I wasn’t enough for Steven. Why would I be enough for a man like Tom? A man so manly that he probably flosses with beaver fur. Then I sort of laugh because I just thought of a beaver and beavers always make me laugh. Beeeeaaaver. Furry beavers.Snort!
To cover up the snort, I quicklysay, “Okay.”
“Okay?”Ashasks.
“Fine! Okay, okay? I’ll go. But you guys are going too,right?”
Ash and Sadie look at each other. “Of course we are,” Ash saysslowly.
“Are you guys pulling another fast oneonme?”
“No,” Sadie says slowly. “We’ll go too. It won’t be awkward at all, having us along on your date. With your hotgardener.”
“Did I ever tell you about his man-hands?”Iask.
“His man hands?”Sadieasks.
“They were a little dirty. He had dirty Man Hands.” I don’t know why I’m saying this out loud. “They were big and rough. Callused. Like, I don’t know, like he actually worked for a living. Like he sweat for a living. They were masculine hands. And he’d just been digging in the dirt so he smelled a little earthy. Dirty-man earthy. He moved them over me and it was like he could hold all of me and still handle more.” I realize I’m in the midst of a monologue and Ash and Sadie are just staringatme.
“Man Hands,” Ashwhispers.
“Filthy, dirty Man Hands,”Sadiesays.
I nod because, frankly, I’m too turned on tospeak.
“I want to get me some of those,” Ash says. I think Sadie justgulps.
13Welcome Aboard theTitanic
Tom
Hypothetically,let’s just say you’re on the Titanic. You’ve helped all the women and children onto lifeboats because that’s the kind of guy you are. Those boats are sailing away into the cold night. You’re left on the ship, and it’s going down. What kind of friend would you want with you at thismoment?
I’ll tell you one thing. It sure as fuck isn’tBraht.
For one, he talks too much. Two, he’d have finagled his way onto one of those lifeboats and stolen your identity. Three,because…
Fuck this longmetaphor.
Three, because when the woman you fucked in the boathouse shows up at the tiki bar, your friend and hers make a hasty exit, leaving you alone to sink slowly down to the bottom of theocean.
Here’s how it goes down. At seven on the dot, Braht and I show up. Then three women appear: Ash, the realtor who Braht can’t stop eye-fucking, Sadie, a soft and poet-looking woman, and…holy shit…Brynn. Brynn the great. The round. The beautiful. Brynn in another wrap dress that I know I can have her out of with one simple tug of that little bow onherside.
They show up. We fumble through introductions, then Braht, that fucker, takes Ash and Sadie by the elbow and they all just leave. They waltz off without even ordering a drink or offering an explanation. And I’m standing there, and Brynn is standing there, and I don’t know if I’m supposed to kiss her or hug her or do a head nodand’sup.
