Page 2 of Man Hands
Sadie snorts, breaking the silence. “Hopefully not these walls,” she says, motioning to the wood paneling. “Splinters.”
“Ow,” he agrees, leaning close to me, and I swear he smells like wonderful things, including bacon. “I get off at three a.m. Justsaying.”
There is another awkward pause, and I pass the time admiring his trouser snake. I’m a little worried that it’s going to bust out of his pants all Hulk-like. Some kind of response is required of me, but mojitos and pheromones have rendered mespeechless.
“She’snotgoing to be wallbanged by an engaged man,” Sadie says, answeringforme.
Right. I’m not. I’m not one for casual…wallbanging. I need an emotional connection. I needed someone like…Steve.
Goddamnit!
My emotions suddenly flood me again as I picture Steve. Slender Steve. My husband. My ex-husband. Our first kiss. The first time we made love, and he apologized because he couldn’t keep an erection. The last time we made love and…he apologized for not keeping anerection.
Ash snaps her fingers in front of my face. “Stay with us, Brynn! Don’t go toward the light!” To the waiter she says, “Check,please!”
Hespeedsoff.
“All right,” Ash says, fishing her credit card out of her purse. “What did we justlearn?”
“The waiter has an extra limb?” Ioffer.
“Oh, honey,” Sadie says with a sigh. Motherhood has made her a very effective sigher. “Answer this question for me: is that man attractive? I mean—are you attractedtohim?”
I think about it before answering. I sip the rest of my mojito until it slurps. I try to analyze the peculiar warmth and throbbing in my vagina. Is it attraction or a urinary tractinfection?Hmm.
“Yes. I am attracted to him.” I mean, he’s skinny and wearing tight pants and has a funky mustache. He looks like he writes poetry and listens to Philip Glass or something. His skin is slightly translucent, even thoughit’sJune.
He’s totallymytype.
“That’s what I thought.” Sadie grips my hand. Her fingers are cold and so fragile. “As your friend… No, as your therapist, I’m telling you from here on out, if you’re attracted to a guy, it’s a giant red flag. I agree with Ash that you totally need to be fucked, and we should make this our mission as your friends and sisters by choice. But here’s the thing—youcan’tbe attracted to the guy. Notatall.”
“Wait.” I’m having trouble following her, which is probably the mojitos’ fault. “You want me to fuck someoneunattractive?”
They shake their heads in perfect synchronicity. “No, babe,” Ash says. “You need to do the nasty with someone who isn’t your type. If your body is responding with all those whozits and whatsits, then you need to run away because your instinct is just plain wrong. You make badchoices.”
Sadie is nodding along. “Reallybad.”
“So…” This can’t be a good idea. “You want me to jump back into the dating world, forgetting that my tender emotions have been run through a pasta machine.” (I’m a food blogger. Don’t judge my metaphors.) “You want me to ignore my instincts? Myownbody?”
They’re nodding. They’re totallynodding!
I think of Steve again and when I told him I was leaving him. “Ah,”he’dsaid.
Ah.
I burst intotears.
The waiter brings us the bill and another mojito for me. “On the house,” he says and winks. His mustache, I swear,waves.
Ash and Sadie don’t say anything. Oh no. They just let me sit for a while. It’s loud in here, with the sounds of laughter and carefree Friday night cavorting. But it’s all weirdly quiet in my mind. “Okay,” I finally say. And then I drink the rest of my mojito in one long, impressiveslurp.
I also think I pee alittle.
2My SpiritAnimal
Brynn
By now Ihave tried on a hundred dresses. Ahundred!
