Page 31 of Man Hands
TO WHOM IT MAYCONCERN:
There’s no way you’re going to hire me. Not in a million years. Not with me spread-eagle and grunting in a boathouse. Not with that close-up of my panties with the bunnies on them. I’m the worst mistake you could ever make, and no student will take meseriously.
By the fifth try, I’m not even crying. I’mtoonumb.
I have to fix this. I’m going to be unemployed and begging for gruel in two months if I don’t fix thisquick.
That phrase makes me think of Tom. He’ll fix this,right?
I want to believe it. But life experience has taught me that waiting for men is a bad idea. It’s like waiting for a sale on wrap dresses, only to find that it’s just a ten percent discount on the yellow dresses that clash withmyskin.
Too little,toolate.
20YummyBalls
Brynn
Ashand I are camped out at my place. All the curtains are drawn, because the photographers have found me now. There are at least a dozen of them outside my house. They took photos of Ash’s butt as she walked up thedriveway.
Ash has a nicer than average butt. Even so, I wish the world would justgoaway.
We’re eating popcorn on my sofa, and I’mpouting.
There’s a video of me on the internet having sex. It’s still there. I know because my mother is having a heart attack every hour. One of her besties from church saw it andcalledher.
“I need to change my name,” I say suddenly, dipping my hand into the popcorn bowlagain.
“Because of the job-hunting thing?” Ash asks. She’s bathed in the light of my computer screen. I can’t bear to look at my inbox, so she’s doing itforme.
“The job-hunting thing is pretty crucial,” I admit. “It’s a shame, because I always liked being Brynn. It’s unusual. It rhymeswith‘grin.’”
“What are you going to callyourself?”
“No idea yet. Something else the rhymes with grin? Shin? Spin? What are youdoing?”
She taps away on my keyboard. “I’m deleting all thedickpics.”
“People are sending dick pics? This is why I’m changing my name. I could be…Berlin!”
“No. Your name stays the same. Maybe you could just close your Facebook account. That soundseasier.”
“No one will hire me without Googlingmyname.”
Ash flinches, and that’s how I know it’s really bad. Ash isn’t a flincher. Once, in college, she fought off two muggers with one high-heeled shoe. “It will blow over eventually,”shesays.
“The internet never forgets. I also have to changemyface.”
“What?”
“My face. I can’t keep this one. It’snogood.”
She looks up. “Not sure you have a choice. Don’t go allSilence of the Lambsonme.”
“Ew! No worries. I don’t like fava beans andChianti.”
“Iknow.”
“But—” This is the thing I can’t get past. “—the internet hasseen my sex face. Before last night, that was private. EvenIhadn’t seen my sex face! And I would have liked to keep itthatway!”
