Page 27 of Man Hands
I growl into the phone. But she asks a good question. “Could have been anyone. My college buddy threw the party at my place just because he likes thatpatio.”
“So you don’t know whotosue?”
“Nope. We’ll have to do this your way. But if it’s been downloaded all overhell,why
buyitback?”
“When you own the video, you can file takedown notices under the Digital Millennium Copyright Act. Thirteen states don’t have laws against nonconsensual porn, so this is your bestoption.”
“So they can just violate my girl’s privacy and it’s not even against the law?” I hate the whole world and everyone in it. I hate parallel universes too. That’s how angryIam.
“Look on the bright side, Tom. This is going to be killer for your ratings. I’ll bet the network is raising the prices on your summer rerun advertising as wespeak!”
My growl is so loud the neighbors probably suspectabear.
“Now, now. Chin up. Step back and let me do myjob,hon.”
That’s twice in two minutes that women have asked me to step back. And both of them had their reasons. “Okay,” I say, weariness in my voice. “Whatelse?”
“Emergency PR meeting tomorrow, first thing. We have to figure out how you want tospinthis.”
“Spin it? I wantitgone.”
“And I want a blue pony and a personal sex god named Sven! Conference call at nine. Be there,bigguy.”
She hangs up, and I just stand there with my phone pressed against my head for another couple of minutes. I’m trying to get the image out of my mind of Patricia riding Sven like a blue pony, and it’s a really hard image to shake off. I’m also seething mad. I need a minute to focus. To breathe. To recalibrate. So I contemplate my big, empty living room. I hate this house. I really do. I renovated it during season nine for a woman who did not want me. And now every day I wander around these rooms, looking at her decor choices, wondering how I could have beensodumb.
I have to do a whole lot of deep breathing before I go back into the kitchen to check on Brynn. She’s using a big KitchenAid mixer that I am positive has never even been plugged in before. It’s here because of the color—green apple—which looks smashing against the glasstiles.
“Hi,” I shout over the noise. “Everythingokay?”
It’s totally not, though, and I alreadyknowthis.
“It will be!” Brynn shouts back. “In about one and a halfminutes.”
There’s something white and fluffy in the bowl, but I don’t care what it is. I’m too busy being baffled by the sight of the pretty lady in my kitchen. Her spine is straight and her sweet face is calm. She’s operating the giant mixer with the orderly grace of a NASA commander preparing a rocketlaunch.
No woman has ever cooked anything in my kitchen before this moment. And I don’t mean justthiskitchen. Anykitchen.
I take a seat on a stool (paint color: distressed nickel) and justwatch.
The view soothes me. Brynn takes a small saucepan of what looks like chocolate syrup off the stove and stirs it lovingly. I don’t recognize any of the utensils or even the pan, even though they’re mine. I don’treallycook.
My ex didn’t, either, now that I think about it. And yet I’d bought all these things feeling absolutely certain that I could create a happy life on this property with a little wishful thinking and my Amexblackcard.
Brynn pours the chocolatey stuff into the white fluffy stuff. Then she uses a paddle-shaped thing to combine them. She’s sort of lifting the fluff over the chocolate in slow, certainstrokes.
I’m getting a little turned on,my dickwhispers.
Huh. I’d actually forgotten about him for awhile.
“What is that you’re making?” I ask quietly, hoping she won’t remember that I’ve probably ruined her peace for the foreseeablefuture.
“Chocolate mousse. Do you haveparfaitcups?”
“What arethose?”
Without a glance in my direction she turns around and begins opening and shutting cabinets again. It’s a huge kitchen, so this takes a while. “Aha!” she finally says, grabbing two glass dishes that look like extra-sturdy wine glasses. She tips the bowl and sort of encourages the mousse to fill first one cup and then the other. She opens the fridge again and puts the cupsinside.
