Page 41 of Man Hands
“I’m not ready for a relationship,” I say again, trying to convincemyself.
Ash and Sadie don’t answer me at first. They’re feeding the babies. Not with their boobs. Sadie has sore nipples or something so she’s bottle-feeding today. She has Amy in her arms and they both look so content. Ash is holding Kate, and they look like they’re having a Spaghetti Westernstaredown.
It makes me laugh how uncomfortable Ash is with being maternal, but she helps out anyway when Sadie needsahand.
I’d have fed the baby, but Ash and Sadie took one look at me and told me to eat. “Because you got the dick,” Ash said. Even though I’d showered, sheknew. And I was so hungry I wasshaking.
So I am shoveling tofu and zucchini in my mouth, waiting for one of them to say something about this latest mess I’ve gottenmyselfinto.
“I think it’s done,”Ashsays.
“Kate,” Sadie says. “The baby’s nameisKate.”
“It’s looking at me. I think it wantssomething.”
“I’m just going to go out on a limb here and guess that you and Hunter are never having children,” Sadie says, hervoicewry.
“Hunter can’t actually get Ash pregnant,” I point out. Since he doesn’t actuallyexist.
“Which is incredibly convenient,” Ashagrees.
Baby Kate makes another grumpy faceatAsh.
“It hates me,”shesays.
“Try burping her,” I suggest. A burp is a terrific idea, actually, so I let one rip. Daintily. Into mynapkin.
“Nice,”Ashsays.
Sadie demonstrates the burping technique with Amy. Then Ash pats Kate’s back until an enormous burp vibrates from the tiny body. “Ohhhhh. I like her,”Ashsays.
That’s how you bond with Ash. You burp or fart without fear, then you’re friends forever. It’s pretty easy. She turns her attention to me. “What bullshit were you saying? I wasignoringyou.”
I love hersomuch.
“I’m not ready for arelationship.”
“Why does it have to be a relationship?” Ash seems clearlyconfused.
“Ash, come on. I’ve…” I can’t finish the sentence because I don’t want to sayfuckedin front of the infants.” So I whisper, “…boinkedhim twotimes.”
Ash does not share my caution. “Two fucks does not a relationship make! Stop fucking stressing outaboutit!”
Sadie and I shush her. I mean, we are in a public place, no matter how granola MarieCatrib’sis.
“I actually agree with you on this,” Sadie adds. “You’re not ready. A relationship takes a whole lot of work. It’s exhausting. And when you have kids and he stops looking at you like you’re a sexually desirable woman and instead treats you as if your only purpose on the planet is to feed your babies, give him dinner, and whack him off, I mean, that’s a problem.Right?”
We don’t reply. And if vinyl records were still a thing, and a needle-scratch could silence an entire restaurant of hungry people, that’s what would be happeningrightnow.
“I mean, hypothetically,” Sadie offerslamely.
Ash and I share a troubled look. We know something bad is happening, but we also know that Sadie is so tender and fragile right now that if we push her one little tiny bit, she’s going to take flight. She’s in trouble, I think. Or at least hermarriageis.
I take Amy from her so she can atleasteat.
“Anyway…” she says, changing the subject while shoveling stuffed French toast into her maw. It’s enormous, that French toast. Crisp on the outside, fluffy on the inside, smothering a mound of creamy goodness, and topped with sweet yet tartstrawberries.
Ah. I think I just orgasmed right there. Again. My body is really on fire lately. I blame Tom. Sweet Tom. Sexy Tom. Tom of the man-hands and sixpackand…
