Page 34 of Lies and Lullabies
“Hi, yourself,” the guy said, setting one foot on the ground. “You okay?”
“Yes. Fine.”
But I wasn’t even paying attention to them, because my eyes had landed on the little sandaled foot that was visible from behind the guy’s body. “You sure?” he asked Kira.
“Of course,” she said quickly, ducking behind him to unclip her daughter from the kiddie bike seat.
She stretched her short arms toward Kira, leaning out of the seat, confident that she would be caught before hitting the ground. The look on her face was so happy and accepting, it nearly made me lose my shit right there.
Kira set her down and removed her bike helmet. Once I could see her properly, the rest of the world seemed to dim. She was wearing a green dress that had chocolate ice cream down the front of it. While her mother spoke in low tones to the man on the bike, she wandered towards me, and I held my breath.
“Hi,” she said, an appraising look on her face. “I’m Vivi. What’s your name?”
It came out as a rasp. “Jonas.”
“Jonas,” she repeated, trying it out. “Your shoe is untied. You’re gonna trip.”
I cleared my throat. “I should fix it, then.”
“I’ll do it.” She knelt in front of me on the gravel and tugged on my laces. Her short fingers had dimples at the knuckle, the last vestiges of baby fat. As she worked on my shoe, her head tipped forward, revealing a porcelain neck. I’d never really studied a child before. Her skin looked brand new, like a little doll just out of the package. She tipped her face towards mine suddenly, her tongue caught in the corner of her mouth. “Do you like double knots?”
I nodded, speechless.
She returned to her work. A minute later, she stood back. “All done!”
I looked down to see possibly the worst excuse for a knot in the history of mankind. “Thank you.” I took a deep breath in through my nose, trying to hold it together. The man on the bike had disappeared. Kira was standing back, arms folded across her chest, biting her lip.
The only person who looked completely at ease was Vivi. “I want to go in the lake now, Mama.” She stomped over and put her hands on Kira’s hips. “Please. You said that after you got back from lunch I could go swimming.”
I stood up. “Then let’s go to the lake.”
Kira glanced at me, and there was a long moment where she said nothing. I stared right back, with a look that insisted I couldn’t walk away right now, even if she wanted me to. Finally, she looked down at her daughter. “You need a towel.”
Vivi shot up the steps and stretched for the door handle. She pulled the screen door into her nose before maneuvering around it and then onto the porch. Seconds later, she was back, a pink beach towel in her hands.
Kira was still rooted in place, an uneasy expression on her face. But Vivi took off toward the beach, so Kira had no choice but to follow. I fell into step with her and, wordlessly, the three of us set off down the street.
As we passed Mrs. Wetzle’s house, I wondered if the old lady was still alive, and still serving bad food and passing judgment on musicians.
Kira gave me a sideways glance. “Are you okay? Holding it together?” she asked, her voice low.
I nodded.Barely.“You?” This was difficult for her, too. She looked nervous as hell. But the day’s stresses were of her own making, and I wasn’t about to disappear just to let her off the hook. Ahead of us, Vivi had begun to sing as she walked. I couldn’t make out what. “What’s that song?” I asked.
Kira shrugged. “Maybe something from preschool. Usually, she just makes up her own.”
My heart almost failed for the tenth time that hour. How could Kira think that a songwriting child would not be of any interest to me? Maybe all four-year-olds invent their own tunes. I had no fucking clue. But I sure as hell wanted the chance to find out.
The path turned toward the beach, and the shimmering expanse of Nest Lake helped distract me from my turmoil. It was so beautiful here.My child has a nice life.
That was something, right? That was what mattered most?
Vivi went over to the roped-off kiddie area. She dropped her towel on the strip of sand, then yanked her dress over her head, revealing a purple ruffled bathing suit. She chucked the dress down onto the sand without a backward glance, and then marched her little rectangular body into the shallow water.
I checked Kira’s face. “Does she swim?”
She nodded. “Adam says her stroke should be called the Drowning Dog, but she swims. You’ll see.”
Sure enough, Vivi immersed herself up to the chest, then dropped down into the water up to her neck. With an indescribable wiggle, she began to swim around. Cutest thing I ever saw.
