Page 35 of Lies and Lullabies
“Kira, my heart is breaking.” It was a cliché, but it was true.My child, I thought, testing the words in my head.My little girl. And, most surprisingly,myfamily. Those were words that I’d been sure would never apply to me, but they already did, and I’d been clueless about it.
“She breaks mine, too,” Kira whispered. “Every darned day.”
Ten yards away, in deeper water, a couple of teenagers took turns splashing each other, oblivious to the awkward drama playing out on shore. Vivi swam to the edge of the kiddie area to watch them. She gazed past the rope, the way a prisoner looks through the bars of his cell. “Mama!” she called. “I want to jump off the dock.”
“Sweetie, I don’t have my suit on,” Kira replied.
Well. Here’s where it comes in handy to be a party boy. I pulled off my T-shirt and dropped it on the ground. Then I took my phone and my money clip out of my pockets and dropped those, too. “Vivi, I’ll go with you,” I volunteered.
“Really?” Vivi began splashing her way out of the water.
“Sure.” I undid Vivi’s knot in my shoelace and kicked off my shoes.
Kira was frowning up a storm, but I turned my back on her and picked my way through the gravel toward the dock. As I walked out onto the dock boards, I heard Vivi pounding along behind me.
I reached the end and turned around. “I should jump in first, right?”
“Okay. You have to catch me,” she said. “I don’t like to put my face in.”
“You mean, like this?” I asked. I turned casually around, and without breaking my movement, dove straight in. The icy temperature shocked me back to the surface. “Oh shit, that’s cold!” I said, wiping the water from my eyes.
“You said a bad word.” Vivi peered down at me from the end of the dock.
Damn!The cursing was going to be a problem. “You’re right. Sorry.” I swam out a few feet, then held out my arms. “Your turn.”
“Closer.” She frowned.
“Okay.” I laughed, coming nearer.
“Closer,” she said again.
There wasn’t any more room. “Jump, little sweetness. I’ll catch you.”
She pinched her nose between two fingers and jumped so quickly that it took me by surprise. But I reached for her automatically, catching her squat torso as she plunged into the lake. And then I was holding my little girl in my arms.
“Shit, that’s cold,” she said.
“Vivi!” Kira shrieked.
I laughed, but my throat felt hot, and my eyes burned. I shifted Vivi onto one of my hips, because that felt right. I swam an awkward sidestroke into shallower water, until my feet touched the sludgy bottom.
“I wanna do it again,” she said.
“Just one more,” Kira said. “Your lips are purple.”
“I like purple,” Vivi argued.
“You’re going to freeze, and so is your fa—” Kira caught herself, a look of horror crossing her sweet face.
I couldn’t help but give her a smirk as I hoisted Vivi onto the side of the dock. I received one of her heels in my eye socket for my trouble. “You were saying?” I asked Kira.
She ignored me. I dove under, swimming towards the end of the dock again to catch Vivi. Again, the cold water was a shock. But there were good shocks and bad ones. Sometimes they were impossible to tell apart.
* * *
On the short walk back,I caught Vivi’s hand. “What else do you like besides swimming?”
“I like school. I like Blumes. Do you like Blumes?”
