Page 93 of Lies and Lullabies
“Maybe I should have been more clear when I saw you last, but there wasn’t enough time. You’re it for me, sweetness. There won’t be anyone else. And Quinn won’t be the last person to try to make you wonder about me. I read about myself in the tabloids all the time. According to them, I’ve been engaged a dozen times. Also, I once had an alien mistress, who gave birth to my half-human child. But the people who say all that shit are people who have unfulfilling lives, and don’t know us at all. I need you to remember that.”
I stared up at him and tried not to drown in his turquoise gaze.
Jonas cupped my jaw in his palm. “That goes for Quinn, too. She’s an angry girl. She has her reasons, but that doesn’t mean she’s allowed to pull any of her bullshit on you. I’ll make sure of it.”
“Okay. Were you everwithher?” I asked suddenly, sounding just as jealous as I felt.
“No, baby.” Jonas closed his eyes for a moment, and then opened them. And when I forced myself to meet his gaze, I saw pain there. “But I was with a lot of people. I was always looking for something and never finding it. And then when I found it, I didn’t recognize it, and I walked away. I’mneverdoing that again. If I have to quit this tour to prove it to you, I will.”
“You can’t do that,” I whispered.
He shrugged. “I can do whatever I want. It won’t make people happy. It would cost me a fortune and put Nixon and the rest of the band in a big fat lurch. But I don’t know any other way to show you that there’s only one thing I’m scared of. And that’s losing you and Vivi again.”
“I’m scared of plenty,” I blurted, my eyes watering.
Jonas pulled me into his chest. “I know you are. And I know you have a lot to handle right now. So we’ll do this however you need to. But I’m not walking away, Kira. I’ll keep telling you, and I’ll keep showing you as often as I can.”
I let him hold me right there in the hallway. “It’s been just Vivi and me and Adam, for a long time.”
“I know, sweetness. So you have to get used to me. And I’m trying to help you do that. But first, you have to tell me what’s wrong with your brother.”
I felt suddenly exhausted. This was the most emotionally draining day in an emotionally draining month. “He has testicular cancer. Or he did until about a half an hour ago. He asked me not to tell anyone, because he’s embarrassed. You can do the math on why.”
“Oh, shit,” Jonas said. “Is the math…two minus one?”
“Yeah.” I sighed.
Jonas gave an uncomfortable grunt. “That sounds horrible. You must be so worried.”
“It hasn’t been an easy week. Let’s go and see him now,” I whispered.
“Let’s,” Jonas agreed.
* * *
The nurses were tryingto get Adam settled into his room, but he just wouldn’t relax.
“Who do you have to blow around here to get your own testicle back?” he wondered at the top of his lungs. “They must have a jar of formaldehyde, right? In the pathology lab? I want to keep it on the shelf of my office. Jonas! Come over here. Can you pull some strings?”
“I would if I could, dude.”
“The drugs they have here are really awesome. You should try some.”
“Maybe another time.”
“Jonas, I only have one nut,” Adam confessed.
I wished he would stop talking, because after the drugs wore off he was going to regret saying all of this.
“I knew a drummer who only had one,” Jonas said. “Whenever he got drunk he used to tell the story of how he lost one in an accident. He liked to show us the scar.”
“Fuck me!” Adam shuddered. “Did you know—” He swiveled his head to look at Jonas. “—most testicular cancer is self-diagnosed? Feel yourself up and live a long life.”
“That’s good advice, man.” He held up a hand and Adam high-fived him.
“I need to know how weird it looks,” Adam said. He put one hand over his eyes. “But I’m afraid to look.”
“You can look tomorrow,” I said gently.
