Page 22 of Loverboy
“I don’t drink coffee at all.”
Rico blinks. And then he blinks again. “Why?”
“Not a fan,” I say.
“Fuck me.” He throws his hands up. “I don’t think I can work under these conditions.”
“Listen. I will not have tea drinkers shamed in this office. And just think of your fee, man. You’ll be able to afford a lot of fresh ink.” The man has more tattoos than New York has hipsters.
He lets out a sigh. “You’re right. It’s fine. I’ll just have to assume a different base of knowledge.”
“Exactly. Talk to me like I’m a fifteen-year-old coffee virgin.”
“Fine. Let’s start over. This is a portafilter.” He points at it. “I want you to treat it like you treat your dick—keep it clean and ready for action. Every shot will be pure bliss, if you always wipe the edge before you insert it in the machine.”
“Uh, sure.” Although I think he took that analogy a little too far.
“Now drop and give me ten push-ups.”
“What? I just came from the gym.”
He gives me a menacing look. “Fuck if I care. Drop to the floor, recruit. You’ll learn. Every mistake requires a punishment.”
I hit the deck and bang out ten push-ups. And plot new ways to murder Max. Possibly with a portafilter.
* * *
“Speed ball.”
“It’s…” I know this one. “A cup of regular coffee with a shot of espresso in it.”
“Caffe Freddo.”
“That’s… an iced espresso.”
“Wet.”
“Uh…” Damn it. “It’s how the ladies feel when they meet me.”
Rico shakes his head. “Wet means more milk than foam. Drop and give me ten.”
I drop to the floor again and bang out another ten push-ups. My arms are quaking because I’ve done hundreds already.
On the upside, I know a lot about coffee now. And chicks dig big guns, so…
“Is he ready for the big time yet?”
When I stand up, Max is pacing in front of the impromptu coffee bar. “I’m getting there,” I tell my impatient partner. “I’ve already made enough espresso to fuel lower Manhattan.”
“You’re ready for a test, then,” Max says.
“He totally is,” Rico agrees. “Bring on the hordes.”
“The…who?”
Max pulls his Katt Phone out of his pocket and taps the screen. “Attention Company staff.” His voice booms from the loudspeakers mounted on the walls, here and on every other floor. “I’ve just unlocked the sixth floor to all employees, because we have a special treat for you today. Gunnar Scott wants to show you how excited he is to be back in New York. While supplies last, he’ll be pouring specialty coffee drinks for any employee. Come on upstairs and order your favorite. No order is too weird or too complicated!”
Rico snickers.
