Page 126 of The New Guy
But I open that door, and he’s standing there, his luggage at his feet, a wild look in his eye. “Whathappened?Why didn’t you stay on the phone?”
“You said you were on the road, and I didn’t want Jordyn to overhear. Where is she?”
He points at his apartment door, and then pushes past me into mine. “Hudson, I’m dying here. Talk to me.”
“I did. There is nothing left to say. That’s how my life works. I tried to tell you that. You should have listened.”
“Stop it.” His face reddens with anger. “I know you’re hurting, but I drove home as fast as I could to ask you—what do we do now?”
Does he really not get it? “There’s not one thing we can do now. I’m going to Colorado. You’re going to training camp, with the team I thought wanted me. Unless the universe hates both of us the same amount, you’ll meet another great guy and get on with your life.”
He blinks. “That’s it, huh? All the things we said to each other. All the plans we made. You’d just throw that away? What about coming out?”
“Are youjoking?I have to start over now. Again. With a coach who helped them FedEx my ass across the country the first time I came out.”
He rubs his face with two hands. “None of this makes sense. I don’t know what just happened.”
“I don’t either,” I clip. “I never do. I was in the weight room with Silas and I got a message on my phone.If you’re in the building, please come to Hugh’s office.” The memory burns already. “Swear to God, I thought it would be good news. Maybe a contract, or a PR thing, you know? Then I walked into that office and saw their faces.”
“Oh honey,” Gavin whispers. His eyes get red. He takes a step toward me.
My heart lurches. I want to touch him so badly. But I can’t do it.
If he hugs me, I won’t be able to stay angry. I won’t be able to walk out of here.
So I step away, toward my luggage, and watch the hurt slice through his eyes. “For what it’s worth, they said they hadn’t planned on trading me at all. But Colorado kept sweetening the deal. And sweetening the deal. So they decided to send me to the team who was panting for me.” I roll my eyes, but it’s a half-hearted gesture. “But if I was so damn valuable, they would have just said no.”
“Youarethough,” Gavin insists, his eyes wet. “To me. Maybe we can make this work.”
A bitter laugh stings my throat. “Long distance? I travel seventy nights a year, minimum. That’s not even a little bit fair to you—trying to date an unavailable guy who’s going to be in the closet until he dies.”
“Don’t say that.” He swipes at his eyes. “You don’tknowthat.”
“Don’t I?” Anger surges through my veins again. It feels powerful. It’s what sees me through. “I’m going now. My car is going to pull up any minute.” I pick up my luggage.
“Call me later,” he says.
“Why?” I demand. “So we can be sad together?”
“Hudson. Don’t leave it like this! You’re not this guy.”
“Yeah, I am,” I insist. “I tried not to be, and look how that turned out?” My voice cracks on the last word, betraying how hard it is to hold myself together. “Tell Jordyn I’m sorry. I’ll send her a new jersey to add to her collection.”
He makes an anguished sound. But he doesn’t stop me as I walk toward the door.
Maybe he finally understands there’s no point.
FORTY-FOUR
Hudson
The Colorado Cougarsplay their games in Denver, but they’re headquartered twenty-five miles away, in Boulder.
It’s a beautiful little city in the mountains. A hub for hipsters, hikers and foodies. I watch dispassionately as the streets slide by, until the young woman who picked me up from the airport pulls into a tidy development of sleek stone and wood townhomes.
She navigates to a space in front of one of them and parks. “Here we are, Mr. Newgate.” She kills the engine. “The GM didn’t want you to have to look for housing right away. This townhouse is available to you on a week to week basis for as long as you need. Or, if you decide to stay here, say the word and you can sign a longer term lease.”
As if I were dumb enough to sign a longer term lease.
