Page 138 of The New Guy
“Take your time signing that contract. I don’t want you to have regrets.”
“I might as well sign it right now and give it back to you. Otherwise, I’m just waiting around for a miracle that won’t come.”
She raises both hands. “I’m not taking it tonight. You have too much up in the air. Sleep on it, okay?”
“Fine,” I grunt. Like that will change anything.
Back in the living room, she heads for the door, her hand on the knob. “Listen, thank you for sharing your truth with me. I’m sure that was hard, but it helps me understand your needs.”
It was hard. “Thanks for listening.”
“It doesn’t have to be a secret, you know.” She shrugs. “Just a thought.”
I smile for the first time tonight. “Hey, thanks. My dad disagreed. I knew I liked you.”
She smiles, too. “Good night, Hudson. Take care of yourself. Call me anytime.”
“I’ll do that.”
* * *
It isn’t until I go upstairs again that I remember to check the app. Just in case Gavin left me another message.
He did. But it’s a voicemail. My heart kicks into a higher gear as I tap the play button and brace myself to hear his voice.
“Look,” he says, as I close my eyes so I can imagine he’s in front of me. “I might have done some more drinking after the kid went to bed. Because I don’t think you get it at all. I’mnotsorry I went into that bar, okay? I’m not sorry we met. I’mveryhurt right now, but that doesn’t mean I wish it never happened.”
He blows a wheezy breath past the microphone before continuing. “I mean—who thinks that way? Would you really wish away the time we had together? Is heartbreak so terrifying to you that you’d go back in time and erase us? Because I would never do that. Even if I can’t sleep at night for missing you. Even if the guys in the gym keep asking me if I’m okay, because I look so tired. Not that I can tell them. It would be nice if I could express that I’m sad and frustrated. But I respect your privacy, so there’s nobody to listen to me but Reggie.
“That’s what you’ve done to me—blown through my life like a hurricane. But hey, don’t kiss me goodbye because you might shed a tear in the limo afterwards. And then the world would end, huh? Who taught you that?Someonemust have convinced you that feelings are the worst thing that can happen to a guy. Was it your father? I’d like to kick his ass.
“I mean—how can you listen to a man who thinks that the true measure of success is avoidingnoodles, for fuck’s sake.
“You left. And you decided that it’s over between us. Didn’t even ask me what I think. Couldn’t wait to shut down that discussion. Guess what? The biggest distance between us isn’t the miles between Colorado and Brooklyn. It’s that I am willing to lay it all on the line, even when it hurts. But your way is pretending it never happened. So you can keep playing hockey, and going home alone afterwards.
“I hope that’s what you really want. I hope this was all just a blip for you.” He takes a deep, shuddery inhale. “…And I guess I’ll just keep being the only one who still cares.”
The recording ends. And I realize that I’ve forgotten to breathe. I take a deep gasping breath, but it gets stuck somehow, and comes out sounding like a sob.
I roll onto the bed, clutch the phone to my chest, and squeeze my eyes shut.
But my despair doesn’t ebb. Because every damn word was true.
Somehow I’d come to believe that big emotions are a luxury only for other people. Along with pizza, and cake.
I’ve been starving myself for years, and I can’t even remember why.
FORTY-SEVEN
Hudson
NOVEMBER
Over the next four weeks,Stoneman drags me out for drinks a half dozen times. Since my nice house is as silent as a tomb, and echoing with my own incriminating thoughts, I let him.
I discover that my new teammates are an army of decent guys. Stoney is the clown, of course. Kapski—the star forward—is the sharp-tongued ladies’ man. Those two are the social butterflies of the group.
I’d wondered if Kapski would be slow to warm up to me since he’s the one I humiliated in last winter’s Brooklyn game. But he likes me fine now that we’re playing for the same side.
