Page 114 of The New Guy
It isn’t that I don’t think I can fall in love with Hudson. The problem is that I already am.
He breaks our kiss and whispers to me. “Baby? Are you okay?”
“Yup. Never better.”
His hands go still on my skin. “Then why did you get so tense? I didn't mean to scare you with my big speech.”
“I know.” And I can’t really explain myself without sounding like an ass. But wanting Hudson was easier when I thought I couldn’t have him. It felt safe to have feelings for a guy who wasn’t ready to take any risks for me.
But here he is, proving himself to be the big-hearted man that I already knew him to be. Boldly asking for the things I’m too afraid to hope for again.
You must think I’m such a coward. He said that to me once when he was explaining why he was still in the closet.
Tonight, the coward in this bed is me.
“I want this. It’s just that…” I swallow roughly.
“…Moving on is hard?” he guesses. “You still love Eddie.”
“I’ll always love him. But I never want to go through that again. You are every bit as amazing, though, and I don’t want to die alone. So, yeah, I’m the picture of mental health right here.”
He chuckles warmly. “You want to continue this some other time? We can see each other tomorrow.”
“No,” I insist. Then I wrap my arms tightly around him, just to make the point clear. “Sending you away isn’t going to help. I need you right here, and it scares me.”
“I’d only be on the other side of the wall.” He kisses my jaw, and runs a hand down my flank. “You were patient with me, Gavin. I can be patient with you.”
“Don’t go. I want you here. I want to visit you in California, but only if I tell Jordyn that you and I are dating.”
His eyes brighten, and he smiles at me. “Really?”
“Really. But only if you want that, too. We’re a team, though. If you don’t consider yourself the kind of guy who wants a child in his life, that’s kind of a deal breaker.”
He kisses the corner of my mouth. “Baby, I know you guys are a two-for-one special. And even if I never saw myself as the kind of guy who wanted to make babies, that doesn’t mean I can’t love your kid. She’s pretty great, too. If you tell her we’re dating, I will be just as careful with her feelings as I plan to be with yours.”
My heart practically bursts. “She’ll be thrilled if I tell her we’re dating. I’m honestly a little afraid for you. You have to practice saying no before we go to Disneyland.”
“What? Why?”
“Because I know you. And I don’t want to bring home three suitcases full of souvenirs.”
He snickers. “Fine. Let’s practice.”
I press myself a little closer to him. It’s hard to be this happy and also think at the same time. “Okay. Saying no to a little girl is hard. It’s advanced work. You should practice saying no to me first.”
“Sure,” he says. “Hit me with anything.”
I lick his neck. “Okay, hot stuff, how about we eat seven cookies, each, and some cotton candy?”
“No way, you naughty boy.” Hudson runs his finger down my abs, and I get goose bumps. “Sugar is poison.”
“Good work.” I whisper into his ear. “That one was a softball, though. What if I suggested that we play ping-pong all night, and stay up past our bedtime?”
“Well…” He considers. “That doesn’t sound so bad, because ping-pong is life. But let’s not, okay? There are other things I’d like to do with you instead.” He kisses my shoulder. And then my nipple.
“Mmm.” I flop back onto the mattress to make more of my skin available to him. “Do you want to fuck me?”
He raises his head. “Are we still role-playing? I could try to say no. But it might come out as a yes. A guy only has so much willpower.”
