Page 98 of Holidating
I didn’t have time to argue with her. But even if it was true,pretty cute for a skinny guyprobably wasn’t going to be enough to win me Katie’s undying affection. I’d been invited on this junket because the newly single Katie was apparently done with football players. “And jerks of all stripes,” Scarlet had explained. “I told her, ‘Andy is absolutely not a jerk.’”
For a second I’d felt awesome about that. But then I’d realized that beingabsolutely not a jerkalso wasn’t enough of an endorsement to fill the utter void that was my love life.
Oh, well.
“Are you going to help me or what?” I prodded.
“Of course. So you want to impress her, but you don’t want to look like you’re trying too hard,” my sister said.
“Exactly. So tell me what to wear. While I’m young, if possible.”
“Well, when the Jewish kid goes to the Christmas tree lighting at the WASPy sorority house, he should always wear nice pants.”
I looked at the three pairs I’d draped over my desk chair. “Won’t that be too dressy?”
“Not if they’re khaki-colored. How about the ones you wore when we saw that show in Boston?”
How did she even remember that shit? If Delia asked me to name three items of clothing that she’d ever ownedin her lifetime, I couldn’t do it.
I lifted the pants off their hanger. “All right. What else?”
“The shirt should be a dark color. Dark blue, maybe? With the collar open. Whatever you do,don’tbutton that sucker all the way up. Wear a t-shirt underneath, and it’s okay if the t-shirt is visible at the collar. That takes you one notch back toward casual. And no tie.”
See? This was why a guy called his sister. I hopped into the pants using one hand. “And the shirt is tucked in, right?”
“Tuck it in! Absolutely. Unless you really don’t want to get laid.”
I laughed and had to grab the phone to keep it from hitting the floor. “That’s not happening.”
“Are you saying that because you’re talking to your sister? Or because you really believe it?”
“Uh, why? Are you doing a psych rotation at school, or something?” I pulled a clean t-shirt over my head.
“I was only teasing about your record with girls. You know that right? You’re a catch, Andy. As long as you tuck your shirt in.”
“That must be what I’ve been doing wrong.”
My sister laughed. “Your only real problem is confidence.”
I stuffed my feet into a pair of shoes. “Am I wearing a jacket, too? Or just my coat?”
“Your plain black sport jacket. It still fits, right? God, I hope your arms aren’t getting any longer. Because you’re already kind of like an orangutan.”
“And you wonder why I don’t have any confidence,” I mumbled.
“Kidding! But seriously, if the jacket sleeves are too short, then skip it. And you need to shine your shoes.”
“I don’t have time.”
“What? When is this date?”
“Ten minutes.”
“Andrew Isaac Baschnagel! Did you shower and shave?”
“Yes, Mom.”
“Hang up and go meet your girl. Crap. I wanted you to send a picture before you left. In case you need tweaking.”
