Page 78 of A Brat's Tale
But I liked it. I’d do it again.Okay Strobavik, you win.I’ve got a spark of submissiveness in me. It can be called forth with the right energy and the right cues. Still a fucking brat though.
And if Corrik would just come home, I’d fucking crawl to him with a hairbrush in my mouth so he could spank me and put me to bed.
Ifall into a rhythm with Strobavik. When I’m following orders, I don’t have to think. It brings me some amount of peace. Thinking leads me to thinking about Corrik or even Bayaden. Thinking also leads me to thinking about what awaits me in a life with Alrik. So I’ve discovered I have a submissive in me after all, but do I want this for every day, all the time?
No.
At least Alrik gets the reports he wants to hear—I’m a well-behaved pet.
“You still have no heart in it,” Strobavik says to me one day.
It breaks my heart because I’ve been working hard, but I know he’s right. “Am I doing something wrong, Master? I can do better.”
“Silence,” he says using his whippy little stick to carve a line in my back. I don’t respond as wildly as I used to. My two lovers adored my responses, but Alrik will not so I’ve learned to take what I’m given quietly. “I’m not sure you’ll ever have the heart for it. If I were you, I’d learn to fake it.”
I don’t know what that means, but I take his advice seriously. “Yes, Master Strobavik.”
When my training is done and my studies for the day are finally over, I collapse on the bed I once shared with Corrik. I’m also coming to a new understanding of duty. I didn’t realize how lucky I was with Corrik. Corrik loves me and I love him. The duty aspect sometimes convoluted the love we shared, but in truth it wasn’t duty that bound me to Corrik.
This, what I’m doing now is a duty. It’s what my father raised me for though and I will see it through, no matter how much it kills me inside.
Even the king and queen have not come to see me, and I’m told there was a ceremony for Corrik, one I, of course, was not permitted to attend. I didn’t even bother to ask. So far, I’ve succeeded in not angering my new husband-to-be, and I’d like to keep it that way. I wasn’t concerned about going anyway. I won’t believe Corrik is deadyet—I’m not making the same mistake twice—it wouldn’t have made sense for me to attend a funeral for someone who I do not believe to be dead.
I go to my book. The message from Lucca makes me smile. He’s trying to be lewd, but since Papa doesn’t trust him with the book on his own, Papa stands over him, stopping him when he gets too inappropriate. He’s learned to use a bit of a code only I would understand. I’m not as embarrassed as I once was by his sexual jokes.
I finally bring myself to tell Papa about my situation. He knows Corrik’s been gone, but I haven’t told him of the disappearance, or my upcoming nuptials. There’s nothing he can do to help me. Aside from my own feelings about all of it, I haven’t wanted to worry him, especially when I’ve been hoping Corrik would suddenly show.
I attempt to make things sound like they aren’t a big deal, but Papa reads right through me.
Tristan, I am so sorry. I know how much you loved Corrik. I wish we could be there with you. Please, keep me updated. Write to me more often, I will check the book every night.
Even Papa’s acceptance of Corrik’s death is immediate. I wish I could speak to Diekin; he’d see things my way, but Alrik won’t let anyone up here.
Alrik starts visiting though. It’s weird and I’m not sure whether I like it or not. I don’t know how to feel about him sitting at a table meant for me and Corrik, when Corrik can’t be here, at the same time, his energy brings me comfort whether I want it to or not. This is the way with Top and brat energy. “I am told you are doing well in both your studies and your training,” Alrik says. “I must admit, I expected a lot more pushback from you.”
What would be the point? “I am Markaytian. I will fulfill my duty and do it well.”
“Maybe it was Corrik then. You needed a firmer hand, one only I could give. You may make a fine husband for me after all.”
I don’t like him talking of Corrik that way and a familiar sensation burns through my blood again. A fire I haven’t felt in some time. I have to quell it though, so I look at the floor and do my best not to give away what I’m thinking. “To what do I owe the pleasure of your visit, Highness?”
He stares at me for too long, like I’m a puzzle he can’t solve. “You have earned some leniencies with me. In private, you may refer to me as sir or Alrik.” He reaches out to brush the hair off my face. I try not to move. “You’re much prettier without all this covering your face. At least tie it back.”
“Yes, sir.” I’m not sure if it means anything good earning leniencies from Alrik, but I suppose it’s better than earning his ire. It’s nerve-wracking that he finds me attractive. For some reason, Elves do. He swore he’d want nothing to do with me until I was Elf, which is only prolonging the inevitable, but I was glad for that; it gave me some time to mourn not being with Corrik. The more he’s attracted to me, the more he’ll be tempted to share a bed even beyond his wants and desires.
Elves need. If arousal stirs in him for me, resisting will be nearly impossible.
“Alrik,” I say trying out our new level of familiarity. “Do you miss him?” I know their relationship was rough, but so was mine with my father and as it turned out, it was how he showed he cared. Knowing if Alrik misses Corrik is important.
He surprises me, standing abruptly. His presence dims and I realize now he carries light energy with him, which makes up part of his fierceness. “Corrik was my baby brother. We didn’t get along because I was hard on him. Of course, I miss him. I wish I’d told him … Never mind.” He storms out.
Despite my fear—that I’m going to end up sleeping with Alrik sooner rather than later—I decide that Alrik is not inherently bad, even taking into consideration his treatment of me. It’s not personal. He does what he feels he has to for his people and unfortunately that means how he looks and how he comes across. He believes Elves to bea superior race and, in many ways, they are, but that does not mean he should treat those weaker than him as inferior.
Though I must admit, Markaytians are no better. We do the same with creatures and other races we feel are below us. It’s a good lesson for me.
But with Alrik, I understand his commitment to duty and yet he’s trying in the only way he knows how.
Duty is a running thread in my life. I am beginning to see where it’s faulty.
