Page 29 of Love Undercover
She blinked, totally derailed from logical thought. “What?”
“I have lotion, toothpaste, deodorant.” At least he’d kept the thread of the conversation, though there was a buzz of tension coming off him. Muscles pulled tight, jaw feathering as his teeth clenched, like he was fighting himself for control
For a second, she wished he didn’t lock himself down, the irrational part of her responding to the song her body was singing—lust and want.
Her common mantra, the phrase she’d heard thousands of times growing up ghosted through her mind:Focus, Sadie.
She shook her head. “But they’re—“
“Not organic and free-range?” he interrupted, one corner of his mouth tipping up.
“Something like that,” she said, her voice barely above a whisper. Not that she’d need the volume with him so close.
His eyes narrowed on hers for a second, and that tension wound tighter, wrapped itself around her, pulling her in.
She forced herself to turn back around and scratch the deodorant off the list. “You know what? If you have some of the right ingredients, I can make my own deodorant.”
He gave a soft snort. “Like what?”
“Coconut oil, baking soda, and arrowroot powder.”
“Um.” He moved away from her, and she finally took a full breath without the pressure of his presence so close, so stifling, so magnetic.
She looked up in time to see him searching his pantry.
“Coconut oil. Baking soda. No arrowroot. Whatever the hell that is.”
She clicked the pen twice before writing it down, tucking her tongue into the corner of her mouth. “I’ll add that to the list. Maybe some shampoo. Unless you have apple cider vinegar?”
He turned toward her, letting out an incredulous laugh. “Sadie, what the fuck?”
She scrunched her shoulders, locking her eyes on the paper in front of her as her next words tumbled out. “I know I sound like I’m being obnoxiously particular, or I’m a snobby princess who’s too good to use normal beauty products. But your skin is your largest organ. It absorbs everything you put on it, which then assimilates into your body. Every toxic fragrance and ingredient can become an endocrine disruptor. . .”
He stared at her, and the heat poured into her face. Her spiel had always felt important to her, but right now, it sounded absolutely ridiculous and embarrassingly privileged.
She shut her eyes, pinching her lips together.
“Okay,” he said, no judgment in his tone. “But what does apple cider vinegar have to do with shampoo?”
She released a slow breath and opened her eyes. “It’s a natural cleanser. It works great as shampoo in a pinch. Cheap too. Especially since a lot of the more ‘natural’ shampoos can be expensive.”
His mouth quirked. “And you can’t suffer through with whatever I have here for a few days?”
She swallowed. Of course, she could. It wouldn’t be the end of the world. But she’d cultivated these habits over the last ten years, and she believed in living a life as free of toxins as possible.
She lifted a shoulder, brushing a hair behind her ear. “Like I said, I can make the deodorant myself. If you have corn starch, I can compromise and use that. Apple cider vinegar?”
“This is really important to you, isn’t it?”
She raised her gaze a fraction, noting the crystalline glimmer that came into his eyes again. Looking at him like this had an impact on him, and his eyes changed every time she did it.
He sighed, turning to look in the pantry. “Yes for both cornstarch and vinegar.”
“Thank you,” she murmured, the embarrassment still like fire in her cheeks.
“Anything else?”
As if this conversation hadn’t made her feel humiliated enough already, she was going to have to ask for more. But her silence simply stretched, and she pulled her messy hair over her shoulder to give her something to do, an excuse not to look at him as she inspected the frayed ends.
