Page 14 of The Secret Job: Into the Depths of Depravity
“And him, what did he say?”
“He liked it too. He loved it, in fact. Said he’d never experienced anything like it but now he has a taste, he wants more.”
“More of us?” I ask. “Or more threesomes?”
James screws up his face, “I didn’t think to ask him that. When I originally asked him, I mentioned it was a one-time thing.”
“And is it a one-time thing?” I ask, trying to school my face and my voice to an even tone to hide the fact that my body isalready screaming to hear him say no. Why do I even feel this way? It’s Matty for goodness sake, James’ best friend. There is no returning from this, we can’t go back to normal.
“When I asked him, yes. But now it’s happened, and it felt so fucking amazing, I don’t know. I don’t know how I feel about watching and joining in with someone we don’t know. Doing it with Matty felt safe and comfortable, even though it started off as a bit of a surprise for you.”
“Why did you originally want it to be a one-time thing?”
“Because I didn’t know how I felt about sharing you and in all honesty, I worried that if we kept the invite open to do it more, I would get jealous of sharing you in real life. I’m not sure I can do that.” James’ eyes focus on me and become heated as they roam my submerged body, “You are mine, Rosie, I don’t want to bring another person into our relationship on-going and share you. I already do that with your job, but I know that is work and I like you doing it. It turns me on.”
“So how have you left it with Matty? Is he coming into the bathroom too, will we have lunch?” I’m asking because this situation is unchartered waters, and I don’t know the rules or what James has arranged with Matty.
“Matty has just left?—”
“He didn’t say goodbye?” I interrupt with a jolt, surprised at the emotion that hit me with that realization.
“He didn’t mean to not say goodbye, it was just that we had arranged the date and it was over. And I’d put you in the bath. Like I said, we had agreed on a one time only thing…” James trails off as if he too isn’t sure how to handle this situation.
“And it’s still a one time only thing then? He knows that? It’s been decided between you both?”
“Yes, he knows that.”
“And he’s ok with that?”
“I think so, I’ll check in on him again when we’re home. Are you ok with it?”
“I don’t know. I feel weird. Like I don’t want to hurt him or use him. Is that crazy?”
“It’s not crazy, it was one heck of a morning, better than my wildest dreams. And considering it was my fantasy that he took part in, he certainly looked like he enjoyed himself thoroughly too. As did you, my darling.”
I can feel a blush creeping up my neck. “I did enjoy myself, thank you husband. I’m still trying to get my head around what we just did and doing it with Matty. Are we saying that is it now with him? I just need to get my head straight; I need to know where we stand with him.”
“Would you want to re-enact this morning with him again?”
“If it pleases you, James,” I say, not giving my true feelings away just yet. I’m not sure what they are but I want to know James’ feelings first before I confess mine or even try and understand what I’m feeling.
“Come on, don’t be coy. Would you want to do it again?”
I pause for a moment trying to formulate my response, wishing I had a better idea of where he stands. “That answer is complicated; my body screams yes but my heart is unsure it can handle it. I don’t know how my emotions can switch off from him once he goes home. I almost miss him already. I don’t wantusto get complicated. I worry that if you share me with him, I’ll end up giving him a piece of my heart. Is that what you want? Is that what we want?”
James studies my face, I can see I’ve knocked the wind out of his sails so to speak. I don’t mean to make things complicated or bring things down a level after such an incredible high. I just need to speak my truth and understand where we are going with this new addition to our lives.
“Thank you for being honest with me Rosie,” his voice is serious and calm despite the emotions swirling around us.
“Always with you.”
“The truth is, I hadn’t considered how well we’d meshtogether and how much I’d enjoy it like a drug that I want to do again. I figured if we did it once, that would be my fantasy over and dusted. But I can’t switch my brain off from wanting to do it again. And I feel the same as before, I don’t want to do it with anyone else other than Matty.”
“Maybe it’s because we only just did it and we need some time to regroup and understand the gravity of this new relationship with him. Maybe we need to let it lie for a little while and see how you feel, howwefeel in a week or so when we’ve cooled off?”
A smile grows across his face and he nods, “Very wise idea Rose Petal, let’s not get carried away in the moment. Let’s cool down and see how we all feel. It’s not just us anyway, Matty may never want to do it again anyhow. This is a conversation for another day.”
“Agreed,” I say as I lift my feet and place them on either side of his fine chest so I can stretch my legs out and relax deeper in the tub.
