My heart plunges heavy in my chest remembering the men I’ve just met and have now left behind—possibly never to see ever again. And how to explain these feelings to James… It’s going to be hard sharing with him, but he obviously knows they are there. I smile into his warm but uncertain eyes. “Of course, James,” I reply.
“Let’s run this bath and we can soak whilst you tell me every last detail of your time as a captive.” And with that James bends down and puts the plug into the bath, starts running thehot tap and uncaps an expensive looking sample bottle of bubble bath before pouring it in.
Still naked, I reach for him from behind and help him pull his t-shirt up over his head to see his familiar toned back. I reach around his waist for his belt buckle which James allows and I slowly unbuckle him before undoing his jeans as well. I tug at his jeans and James helps me pull them down his legs and steps out, I then tug my thumbs into his boxers and together we slide them down his waist and past his knees. Before he can step out of them, I wrap my arms tightly around his body so that we are naked and flush standing together.
We stand there for a minute or two as James lets me hold him tight to me. I am overwhelmed by so many feelings; my love for him, the gratefulness I feel for not only booking this holiday home but allowing me the freedom to work and sell my body for money, for allowing me to meet and play with men who must keep their kinks hidden from society, and the sadness I feel for saying goodbye to them. I rest my cheek on his back and he strokes my arms that are circling him. He lets me hold on and I do, I cling on to him and the first tears begin to fall. We just stand in this bohemian bathroom looking onto the beautiful well-tamed gardens, the sound of running water and the scent of sweet berries filling our senses.
Slowly James peels my arms from around him, turns off the taps, checks the water temperature and turns to wordlessly unfasten my collar and help me into the tub. I climb in and he does too, facing each other my tears stream faster as I see the pain etched across James’ face.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying. It’s just been a lot, leaving the fantasy world of my past week behind and re-joining reality. Not because I don’t want to, I just became fond of the people I was just with and have now left.”
“That is completely understandable Rosie. I can’t begin to understand what you are feeling right now but I can try andunderstand if you’ll share the full experience with me. Let me hear the story and help, it might be cathartic to share what happened and your feelings towards the men and get some clarity around why you are feeling like you are.”
Sniffing, I nod my head as James sits up in the bath, wiping away the tears trailing rivers down my cheeks.
“Start at the beginning. What happened when you arrived at the place you were held?”
And I do, I tell him about getting out of the car and being led into the basement and seeing the glass box for the first time. I tell him about Dr Jack and him stripping me for the men behind the glass until Carl came in to shave me. I recall gentle, tender Carl and the way he delicately shaved me like a porcelain doll. I smile as I tell him about Cook and our first meal together and how he enjoyed cooking and feeding me until I was so full—Christmas full—as he enjoyed rubbing my stomach and coaxing me to eat the last few mouthfuls. I joke about how Cook was fattening me up but explain how he loved looking for signs my body had grown under his care.
James sits and listens, with rapt attention. Hardly saying a word as he listens to my details of their looks, body shapes, personalities and the way they each made me feel. I don’t hold back when I describe the way David played with my body, the aftercare Dr Jack gave me or the fun I had with Blake and Jake. I giggle when I remember waking up every morning sticky but no recollection why. I sober when I describe Tom and the brooding way he looked at me and how I didn’t know how he felt towards me but his actions were so gentle.
James sucks in a breath when I describe Dr Jack’s examination and how he fucked me twice, especially when he saw I was ovulating and the thought of breeding me drove him and the others crazy. I described how I finally came to meet Darcy and James chuckled as I explained how I tried to stay still and act asleep.
I shared the tender moments I had with nearly all of the men across the seven days and how the week culminated in the gangbang at the end and the sleepover, so we all woke up together to say goodbye. And that’s when I blow out a heavy breath.
“James, that’s everything, every last detail. Why do I feel so sad that it’s ended when I’m so happy to be in my own life again?”
“Because you are the most beautiful woman I know, inside and out. You made deep connections with each of these men for the very reason they chose you to be their captive. You went in open hearted and open minded; you did not shy away from their kinks, you enabled them and allowed them to explore and enjoy them without reproach or disgust.
“You were happy to explore and give yourself over to them and therefore letting them be themselves and comfortable living out their fantasies just the way they had always imagined. As you were earnest and willing, you were also kind and compassionate, the more you gave of yourself the more they gave you back, and that’s where these feelings have come from. You built intense connections in a short period of time and I can only imagine letting them go is causing you intense pain. And them also, I would imagine.
“You are allowed to have these feelings; I don’t think any less of you. I don’t think you’re cheating or having an emotional affair. We went into this past week with our eyes open knowing we wouldn’t be the same on the other side. Sure, we didn’t knowhowwe would be affected and if I’m honest, seeing you in this kind of pain is hard, but I’m so grateful it is not another type of pain either physically or mentally traumatised. We can work through these feelings and they will ease. The bad ones I had worried about, I am a thousand times over so grateful we don’t need to work through the lasting damage they could have caused.
“You are human Rosie, you are allowed to love these men in your own way and hold this experience in your heart as a fond memory. If you need my permission, then you have it. I want you to cherish this experience because it was a good one and they all took care of you in a way I find acceptable and am truly grateful for.”
Listening to James’ soft words has me blubbering uncontrollably now, feeling his love so big it squeezes my aching heart. “But what about you, James,” I manage to stutter out, “How does this make you feel about me and us?”
“Rosie, whilst it hurts to know you did have these connections with other men, I’m not foolish to believe they are forever. I know you are mine and always will be and I have every intention of showing you this every minute of this weekend. I am going to help you move on from this experience and help create new memories and remind you why we are so good together.”
“I’m sorry for hurting you like this, James. I know if it were the other way around, I would be out of my mind with jealousy.”
“Don’t misunderstand me, I am out of my mind with jealousy and this past week I went insane with jealousy. But I know deep in my bones that we are made for each other, and I intend to spend the next few days proving it and making sure going forward you remember this weekend just as much as the past week.”
I can see he means it. The sentiment seems to relax my shoulders and eases the weight I’ve been carrying. Itwascathartic sharing my true feelings and hearing James’ thoughts and feelings on the situation we are currently in. His perspective makes sense of why I am feeling so distraught at the loss of these eight men that I feel I have loved and lost. But looking back at my husband and having shared every recent experience and feeling, reminds me why I am with him, why I chose him and why I will always love him.
James reaches out his hands for mine and I take them, us both sitting up, knees bent in the large tub that is cosy holding two of us. “I love you Rosie, with every fiber of my being. I love that you can share so freely with me and despite my jealousy this week, I do love sharing and hearing what men pay to do with your body. This is our true partnership. Always come back to me and I will always be here waiting for you.” He pulls me closer so our noses touch, looking deep into my eyes, “Promise you’ll always come back to me, Rose Petal.”
“I promise,” I reply, “I love you with all my heart James.”
“I’m glad to hear it. Always be you Rosie and we will always have us.” He pecks me on the nose playfully before saying, “Let’s get you cleaned up so we can have lunch and go for a walk.” Pulling me close so I rise to my knees, James soaps his hands with shower gel and runs them slowly from my neck to the apex between my legs, soaping my entire body softly.
Once James is satisfied I’m completely clean, he stands and gets out of the bath, wrapping himself in a towel before coaxing me out of the cooling water and wrapping me into a large fluffy towel. James stands and just hugs me close; I enjoy being swaddled by him and cocooned in his body heat and his love.
Feeling a thousand times lighter than when I got into the bath, James releases me and I follow him back into the bedroom to dress. Once fully clothed, we go back into the kitchen where there is a basket full of supplies for our stay. Unloading fresh bread and cheeses, James insists I sit in the lounge and relax whilst he rustles us up a quick fresh lunch.
Once we are fed, we leave the house hand in hand and take a stroll around the beautiful Daylesford strip of shops. We shop, we stop at a café, we visit springs and sample the metallic tasting water straight from their taps from the ground. As dusk falls, we find a little Italian restaurant and share a carbonara and home-made lasagna with a bottle of red.
3
