Page 60 of An Accidental Bride for the Duke
“You’re right,” Percy agreed. “It is not. But charging in there like a bull with a red flag waved in its face, tearing holes into them, isn’t going to solve anything. Leave it for now, a few more days to cool off. And in the meantime, perhaps we can determine a better course of action.”
“Such as?”
Percy grinned. “Well, if I knew that, I would have said it.”
Philip laughed and slapped his brother on the arm. “I am sorry about this, Percy. You know I hate seeing you like this.”
“I know it,” Percy said with that same warm smile he always wore. “And that you care so much, that’s all which matters to me. Let the villagers poke fun. It can’t hurt me.”
Philip cocked an eyebrow. “Are you sure about that?”
“Oh, you mean earlier…” Percy snorted. “That was a kneejerk reaction. My own fault for letting them get to me.”
Philip rolled his eyes but then pulled his brother into a tight hug. He would never apologize for how much he loved Percy, and there was little he would not do for him. This had been proven hundreds of times growing up, the turmoil Percy’s birth had brought his family, the stain it left on their name. And despite all of it, there was not a single thing that Philip would take back.
“Come now.” Percy pulled back from the hug. “We best be getting out of here. No doubt your wife is as confused as a cat among dogs right about now.”
“My wife…” Philip felt his chest tighten.
“What?” Percy asked.
“I…” He grimaced. “I may have been a little harsh with her just now. When you came inside, she wanted to come with me to console you and I…” Another grimace. “I was short with her.”
Percy snorted. “Yes, that sounds about right.”
“She does not know about your history,” Philip explained, the tightness in his chest getting worse. “So, I couldn’t very well have her come along now, could I. And I was worried about you. And I was angry. And I was… I was…”
“Not thinking clearly, by the sounds of it,” Percy laughed.
Philip shook his head. “I know I need to tell her – and please, Percy. Do not think it is personal. It is not that I am ashamed of you, obviously. It is more that…” He trailed off, unable to find the words to explain why he was so darn closed off.
It was born from a lifetime of heartache, Philip supposed. From the day that Percy had been born, Philip had been forced to justify his mother’s action. Defend them to others. Try and make it appear that what she had done was not the worst of things imaginable.
Not that he’d believed his own words. He had hated his mother for what she’d done to their father, and he’d let her know it.
When she died, that Philip had bonded so quickly to the baby Percy, made him realize how wrong he had been. Guilt followed, and shame that he had treated his mother so poorly and couldn’t do anything to take it back. And all this while he had to defend Percy against those who sought to do him harm, knowing too well why they felt the way they did. For he had been the same…
In the end, Philip supposed he felt both ashamed and embarrassed. That, as much as anything, was why he didn’t want to tell Iris about Percy. That and…it feels to me that once I do, that’s it. No more secrets. No more excuses to keep my distance and pretend this marriage is anything other than what it has become. Once I tell her the truth, it will be as if I am signaling my intent to commit to this marriage fully.
Which itself shouldn’t have been a problem, but Philip had always been stubborn and emotionally closed off. In that way, this final rebuking of how he knew he felt made perfect sense.
“I understand.” Percy put an arm around Philip’s shoulder. “But you will have to tell her eventually.”
“Likely.”
“Maybe she already knows,” Percy offered. “Have you thought about that.”
Philip snorted. “And how could she possibly know.”
“Rumors,” he suggested. “They do tend to travel.”
“The bare bones,” Philip admitted. “But not everything. Not…” He winced as he considered. “Not how I treated our mother. Not what that has done to me.”
“I guess she can’t,” Percy agreed. “Just me being hopeful, I guess. But you should tell her, nonetheless. She deserves to hear it from you.”
Philip knew that what Percy said was true. He just didn’t know if it made a difference or not.
On top of that, he could not help but think back to the moment before Percy came home. Iris had told him that she wished to speak on something, the rules he had mentioned, specifically the third and final rule. Whatever it was that she had been about to say was clearly uncomfortable for her, and despite not having had a chance to say it, Philip was certain he knew the next words that were going to come out of her mouth.
