Page 38 of An Accidental Bride for the Duke
“You’re upset with me,” Philip said.
She scoffed. “What makes you think that.”
“And this…” He indicated into the room. “This was done to annoy me.”
“Not everything is about you, Philip!” she cried and threw her hands up. “I can see how you might think it is, but did it ever occur to you that this life is my own? We might be married. We might be forced to live with one another for the rest of our lives, but that does not mean I am going to just accept that from now on everything I do must be by your rules. Your way only.”
“Iris…” His expression softened. “That is not?—”
“Do not tell me that I am being dramatic or reading into what is not there.” She could feel herself getting carried away. The feelings that had been sitting beneath the surface surging forth so that even if she wanted to, she would not be able to control them. “I know you did not want this marriage – you were very clear on that. Just as you know I did not want it either.”
Philip winced at her harsh words, and she thought she saw regret behind his eyes. But she did not stop.
“And truly, that is fine. Perhaps I thought for a time that…” She shook her head, not daring to go down that path. “It does not matter what I thought. You have made it clear what you want from this marriage and I am willing to accept it. You want nothing to do with me, so be it. But what I will not accept is being told what I can and cannot do by a man who insists on acting as if I do not exist.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. “And if that is too much for you to accept then, well, perhaps you should have thought about that before you chose to cut me off as you have done.”
She was breathing heavily. Red in the face. Unable to believe most of what she had just said but glad that she did.
There, it is done. At least now the two of us can move on as I know he wants to do. Not the best outcome, but the one he wishes for.
Iris braced herself for Philip’s wrath. Surely, she could not speak to him like that without him snapping at her. All she could do was not give in, and certainly not let him try and seduce her as he might have wanted to.
If he wished to have a marriage of pure convenience, he was welcome to it. But what he would not have was her.
“May I say something?” Philip said, his tone surprisingly soft.
Iris blinked, caught off guard. “I… yes, I suppose you can.”
Then, he laughed. It was disarming and filled with humor. And with it came a soft smile that reached his eyes. This had Iris leaning back, unable to fathom what was going on in Philip’s head.
“I would ask you to tell me how you really feel, but you’ve already done that,” he started. She opened her mouth to speak, not even sure what she was going to say, but he held up a hand to stop her. “Which is why I think it is time that I tell you what I think.” He looked at her pointedly.
“You… yes.” She had no idea what else to say.
He nodded once. “You are right. With how I have behaved this past day, I have given you no reason to listen to me. No reason you should want to. And if this marriage does indeed continue down the path of us having nothing to do with one another, then my telling you what you can and can’t do makes little sense.”
“It… excuse me?”
He chuckled. “The thing is, I’m not so sure that I want that. The truth is, I don’t know what I want. And this confusion, rather than coming to terms with it, has seen me do as I always do and close myself off. Easier in my mind to pretend it doesn’t exist then face it head on and determine for myself what I might really want and how I might get it.” He raised an eyebrow at her.
She frowned. “I don’t… what are you saying.”
“I am saying that both of us are clearly confused.” With those words he reached down and took her by the hand. She thought to snatch it back, but his touch was soft and warm and felt better than it ought to have. “And this confusion has led us to fight. Often.”
“You are the reason we have fought,” she snapped.
He laughed again. “True enough. But I don’t like fighting with you, Iris. Oh sure, there are some…” His eyes flashed and she felt her breath catch at its meaning. “… positives to it. But it is not asolution, and I can’t help but feel that we are doing ourselves a disservice.”
“We are?” she blinked stupidly.
“These past few days, despite everything else, were some of the better I have experienced in as long as I could remember. The two of us, treating the other with respect and kindness. Enjoying our company for a damn change, and I found that the concept of married life wasn’t nearly the travesty I have assumed it would be.”
“You… you did?” she blinked again, her mouth now hanging open.
“I can’t tell you what I want because I don’t know exactly. But I can tell you what I don’t want. I don’t want to fight with you always. I don’t want to go about pretending as if you do not exist. And I certainly don’t want you to hate me.”
“Hate you…” She looked away as she felt her cheeks flush. “I don’t hate you, Philip.”
“You should,” he countered. “But that’s my fault. And now I’m thinking that maybe it is time that we…” He clicked his tongue with consideration. “That we started again. We’ve proven already that we can stand to be around one another, so now why do so a second time? And this time, without the awkwardness.”
