Page 72 of An Accidental Bride for the Duke
“Your Grace…” Robert stepped around Percy. “I was hoping I would find you here. Although I doubt the same can be said of your feelings concerning me.”
Iris took a deep breath as she forced her mind to work. How did she feel about Robert? What did she even want from him? Two weeks ago, she had been furious with him for what he had done. One month before that, she had been just as furious at how he had tricked her. Common sense told her to harness this fury and unleash it upon the lord because it was nothing less than he deserved. Only, when she tried to gather such feelings inside of herself, she found them to be a pitiful thing.
Try as I might, I just don’t care as I once did. I know that I should. I know that it is nothing less than he deserves. And yet, it just does not seem worth it.
For that reason, she kept a straight face as she finally turned and looked at her once-betrothed.
“Lord Robert,” she said simply. “It is nice to see you again.”
“Somehow, I doubt that very much,” he responded coolly. As she remembered him, he dripped in effortless charm, a smile always hidden behind his eyes, the sense that the world was his to play with.
“Robert…” Percy came in behind his brother. “Perhaps this is not the best?—”
“No.” He shrugged his brother off. “As I came here to speak with our brother, I also wished to speak with Iris… Her Grace, as it is.” He was looking right at her, his expression softening. “Please, I know I do not deserve it, but if you and I might go somewhere to speak privately?”
She frowned. “Concerning?”
“Many things,” he sighed, shoulders slumping. “I am not here to beg for forgiveness or even to ease my conscience. I am here because, well, it is the right thing to do. Please, it will only take a moment.”
Again, Iris knew deep down that after what he had done, she owed him nothing. He had ruined her life. He had then made things worse by fleeing their wedding. He was a repugnant character that was not worth a second of her time.
And just as Iris knew all of this, she knew too it wasn’t that simple.
Who am I to judge past mistakes? When my own might be considered just as awful to those who I wronged? Everyone errs, nobody is perfect, and all we can do is ask forgiveness and pray that we learn so it doesn’t happen again.
Iris was not above error. And with what had happened to her and the duke, she knew how desperate she was for him to forgive her, just as Robert might be for her to forgive him. She did not wish to. She did not want to even think about it. But all things considered…
“As you say,” she said with a deep sigh as she pushed back her chair. “I will listen to what you have come to say.”
“That is all I ask,” Robert said with obvious relief.
She followed Robert from the breakfast room and into the drawing room down the hall. She walked in first and Robert behind, at which point he made sure to close the door behind them.
When she turned, Iris very nearly gasped to see the transformation that Robert had taken in just those few seconds. When he’d appeared in the breakfast room, he had been full of energy and charm, smiling and joy-filled, the same man she remembered meeting that day at the garden party.
Alone now, Robert had withdrawn into himself. He had his hands folded before him, his head bowed, his posture shrunk down. He looked positively ashamed, enough to tell Iris without words needed that whatever it was he had come here to tell her was truthful.
“As I said, I am not here to ask for forgiveness,” Robert began in solemn tones. “Nor am I here to try and justify my actions. They are beyond justifying, and I will not insult you by forcing you to listen to excuses.”
“Then what are you here to do?” she asked simply.
He exhaled deeply. “To explain myself. If for no other reason than you understand why I did as I did. You of all people deserve that. And then, if you wish to never see me again, I will not argue or try and change your mind. I don’t deserve such a thing.”
Iris’ brow furrowed as she struggled to comprehend this level of earnestness.
“First thing is, I did not mean to trap you in a scandal that day,” Robert began. “That is not to say my actions were pure…” He laughed bitterly. “Rarely are they, truth be told. But I nevermeant to ruin you. As pitiful as it is to admit, in my life, when two options are presented, I tend to pick the worst one.”
Strangely, Iris smiled at that.You and me both…
“As for our marriage? Again, I did not wish for it to come to that. And truthfully, I had every intention of going through with it. But the more I thought about it…” He winced. “I always choose the wrong option, Iris. Always. And every time that I do, those I care for suffer because of it. Because of me. When I…” His chin began to wobble, and he took a calming breath. “When I thought ahead, seeing how our marriage might unfold, I knew without question that was it to be allowed, you would be made to suffer. I was never husband material and to trap you in a marriage with me would have been its own sort of torture. What I did was wrong, but I did it for the right reasons.”
“Leaving me stranded at the altar, you mean?” she said sharply.
He winced again. “I wasn’t thinking. I… and I did not imagine that my own brother would step in where I failed.” A shake of the head. “Not that I should be surprised. As you might have noticed about Philip by now, he has a nasty habit of sacrificing himself for others. It’s almost a compulsion.”
Again, Iris found herself smiling. “I have noticed such a thing, now that you mention it.”
Robert nodded. “And that’s it. I messed up. I made things worse, as I always seem to. Again, I did not come here to ask for forgiveness, only to?—”
