Page 86 of An Accidental Bride for the Duke
“We have,” she said simply, giving nothing away.
“I want to start by…” Philip was trembling, his tongue growing thick in his mouth. “Concerning what happened between us, your knowledge of Percy and failing to tell me after I had said how much I did not want you finding out about my past. I?—”
“Philip, you need to know that was wrong of?—”
“Please,” he cut over her. As he did, he made sure to be looking at her so she could see that he was not upset. “If you wish to apologize, you may. But only after I do first.”
She raised an eyebrow. “Is that what you are doing?”
He laughed gently. “Trying. The thing is, I was angry with you. Furious, might be a better word. But it wasn’t until some time later that I came to realize it was not you who I was angry with, but myself. I only wish I’d realized this a few days ago or before it all happened.” More nervous laughter.
“What do you mean?”
“You know about Percy. You know about my mother. So, you must know how I behaved when I found out what she did to my father. I refused to forgive her, thinking it the right thing to do. And even when she fell sick, still I would not forgive her. And then, after she died, the guilt I felt…” He felt it then, a pang in his chest. “But I am stubborn.”
“I have noticed,” she said with a sly smile.
“And rather than admitting that I was wrong, I doubled down. The same goes for marriage, blaming my mother, using that as a reason not to wed. I was so convinced that I was in the right and that nothing would change that. And then…” Finally, a smile found his lips, one that reached his eyes. “And then you happened.”
“Oh…” she stammered, and he could see hope flash behind her eyes.
“I have been wrong about so many things,” he admitted, and as he did he could feel the weight of all he had done wrong leaving him. “Most of all, I have been wrong in my inability to admit that mistakes, poor choices happen to all of us. And when theydo happen, to ignore them or push them to the side or to stay angry…” He bit into his lip, his chin quivering. “I am tired of always being angry, Iris. And I am sick of blaming people for these mistakes. Especially when they don’t deserve it.”
“Does that mean…”
“It might be too late to say it,” he said quickly. As he did, on a chance, he reached for her hands. She allowed him to take them, and Philip felt her touch spread through him in ways he had forgotten. “But I am sorry, Iris. I should not have blamed you—dammit, I should have told you everything in the beginning. You made a mistake. As did I. And where I don’t deserve forgiveness, you do.” He squeezed her hands. “So much.”
Iris took in a deep breath and it looked as if she were trying to keep herself from smiling. “May I speak?”
“Please?”
“As is the theme today, I too would like to say sorry.”
“You don’t have?—”
“I do,” she cut over him, raising a warning eyebrow. “What? You think you’re the only one allowed to ask for forgiveness? I should not have kept my secret from you, and I should have told you as soon as I found out. That was wrong and I am sorry.”
Philip could not help but smile. “It goes without saying but I forgive you.”
“I thought you might.”
His smile grew. “I should have come here days ago, Iris. But…”
“You are stubborn.”
“And stupid. But I’m done denying what I know and what I want.”
“And what do you want?” she asked.
He squeezed her hands as he met her eyes. “I want you as my wife, Iris. Our marriage was… strange, to say the least. It didn’t always work. But it has changed me for the better, and without you there I fear that I might revert to what I was.”
“Oh. So, you only want me there to keep an eye on you.”
“What?” His eyes widened. “No, that is not?—”
“I am joking, Philip,” she said with a soft chuckle. “Although…” He saw it then, uncertainty behind her eyes. Philip felt his chest tighten, not at all sure what it meant. “As you have been thinking lately, as have I.” She hesitated then and he could feel in her hands how nervous and unsure she was. “I appreciate the apology, you have no idea how much. I just worry…”
“Worry about what?”
